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It’s time for an Award…

…Because we all know that the blogosphere desperately needs another lame award.

Recently I’ve been flagged, tagged and double bagged. I’ve gotten an award, an honourable mention, and even been invited to do a meme (which I don’t do these days, unless they are either ridiculously easy or easily ridiculous). So all this got me thinking, “Hey why don’t I give out an award?” which isn’t necessarily an original thought, given that I’ve created not one, but two different awards in the past.

As I’ve been thinking of rejoining the blogosphere lately, what better way to end my hernia (huh? that doesn’t sound right…oh shit, I meant hiatus), than to create an award, not just any award, but possibly the best and most coveted award ever seen on the interwebs.

However, as those of you who are bloggers already know, there are usually a few simple rules you need to follow when you are given an award, and this once in a lifetime honour is no different, so I’ll just list them here first in an effort to build excitement:

  1. Take a copy of the award and post it in your sidebar (preferably in front of all the other meaningless crap you already have there).
  2. Write a post about how thrilled you are to be awarded this great honour, and link back to me at least three times within the post.
  3. Repeat step 2 every Friday for the next three months.
  4. Take out an ad in your local newspaper informing everyone of  (a) your great fortune in being awarded this prestigious gong, and (b) my URL.
  5. Name your next born child after me. If you are barren, or have finished your child bearing days, then your next pet will be fine… as long as it’s a dingo.
  6. Deposit five thousand dollars into the account number listed at the bottom of your notification email, this is needed in order to clear the $100,000,000 prize money that goes with the award.
  7. Send naked photos of yourself, preferably mounted.
  8. Award this to five other bloggers and have them send me money and photos too.

There, that seems easy enough doesn’t it?

dingo-awardAt this point I guess I should show you what the fuss is all about, so with no further adoodoo… I present the latest in a long line of much sought after Dingo Awards (I think I’ll call this one “the Dingo III”).

As you can see, no effort was spared in coming up with a truly spectacular piece of fine art. If you would like to impress you friends with your very own limited edition print, but haven’t been awarded the honour, you can purchase a limited edition print for five grand.

And don’t try just copying it without paying, because I’ve done magic to it so that’s not possible, I’m warning you – don’t even try, I used some serious mojo.

Now for the winners:

  • Daily Diatribes:  There are few people on the interwebs that have a more jaded and cynical view of life than her, she is almost as funny, clever, insightful as me, plus her husband is a vet so she can easily afford the five grand.
  • Rotten Correspondent:  Another humorously snarky blogger with a less than healthy outlook on life, and three kids who are determined to drive her crazy, and who, by comparison makes me look good, but most importantly, I’d really like to see her naked.
  • Three Dog Blog:  I pondered over this one fore a while, the fact that Laurie is an accomplished writer challenged my insecurities to the point that I almost didn’t include her, but then I remembered that she has yet to master capital letters, so my sense of superiority was restored.
  • A Spot of Tea:  How could I not include Joy? After all, there aren’t too many people who, when describing me and my blog use terms like, “strange exotic bug” and “poke it with a stick”. Oh, and never mind about the photos.
  • Jo Beaufoix: Jo recently listed everyone (individually) in the entire universe as her friend…except me. So I’m giving her an award to prove there are no hard feelings.
  • Topsurf: This plurk buddy, is a late addition, while not very snarky (normally) or particularly schizophrenic, she is new to blogging so she may fall for the naked photo scam just to get some sidebar bling.

If you missed out, don’t be too disappointed, that just means means you are either not psychotic or are simply a nice person (or have mastered punctuation).

37 Responses

  1. Darn, I knew you would not give the award as I am too nice, or so you think, I have several sides to me :-).

  2. Peter – that’s the hardest I’ve laughed in I don’t know how long. Even Bentley and his noxious emissions can’t top that. You know I’ll proudly put that thing on my blog, but I don’t think you should hold your breath on the cash deposit.

    Or the… what was the other thing you wanted from me??

  3. Yay!! I’m a WINNER….I’m a WINNER!! …wait…should I be happy? bwahahahahaha! You betcha’ I am. :D

  4. “Send naked photos of yourself, preferably mounted.”

    Do you mean the photos mounted or naked photos of myself where I am mounted?

    Why am I asking, you aren’t getting either one!

  5. You should have warned me that Jo had sound.
    chewing on heart here. whew.

    I’m laying odds that you get a naked photo from Joy

  6. Annie – I’d need a photo as evidence.

    RC – You know!

    Topsurf – You sound happy, it must be true, you really do like trinkets.

    Bethany – Ah…yes.

    Pamela – I didn’t know she had sound, I’ve got all kinds of script blockers so I’ve never heard her blog. A photo? I’m not even expecting a comment.

  7. “Oh, and never mind about the photos.” Fine! I’m sending you some just to make you squeal in agony at the horror of them. But thanks for the laughs and the award. That was very nice of you. I think.

  8. punctuation! is fer the weak!!!!

  9. Dear willowtree. gee. you must really like me.

  10. Joy – Oh shit no!

    Knudsen – what can i say

    LMM – You know I do, plus participants need to be actual bloggers, as in write a post every now and then.

  11. I mustn’t be upset because I’ve already got one of your awards and i did win your comp for punctuation. So I guess I must be one of the nice guys. Just to prove it congratulations to the winners :)

  12. Yay for silly random blogging awards! Love it! :D :D :D

  13. What? All that and no red carpet?

  14. ACK. i don’t HAVE five thousand dollars!!!! will you take it in installments?
    say, a dollar a year, for five thousand years?

  15. LMAO! Good to have you blogging again.

    Whew, glad I don’t have to take any photos of myself naked AND mounted.

    Good links. Jaded, cynical, snarky friends are the best!

  16. I’m glad I didn’t get this one. I still want that big pink one! ;) Love it that you are back to handing out your awards!

  17. Um (ellipsis ellipsis ellipsis) I might have sent a photo.

  18. I will think about that :-).

  19. LOL! I see someone else had the same question I did about the photos!

  20. I don’t know whether to be sad I didn’t receive such an award or happy that you don’t want pictures of me mounted naked.

  21. Bethany (and a few others) beat me to my comment!!! I guess I should check this blog in the middle of the night if I want my shot at getting in the good comment. I’m surprised you of anyone didn’t catch that! “naked photos of yourself, preferably mounted”……I got a huge laugh out of that!!!!

  22. Too, too funny … I also wondered if it was myself or the photo which should be mounted!! We’re a bunch of sick puppies, aren’t we? :-)

  23. Given my predilection for wordplay, do you really think the ambiguous photo phrase was a coincidence?

  24. I love your predilections, WT. I think the photos should be mounted and matted.

  25. You’re a creep. I mean that in the nicest way. Mounted photos, indeed.

  26. Sandy – hmm a mat, yeah that could work too.

    Kaycie – That’s ok, I understand, I’m sure you must be pretty upset about not getting an award and are simply lashing out.

  27. Nice Award! You are so charming and thoughtful with your demands there! LOL!

  28. Please find enclosed my cheque for $5,000 as I copied the award.
    PS sorry I forgot to enclose the cheque.

  29. Karisma – In truth, I didn’t put much thought into it at all, just like all my other posts.

    Peter – That’s ok, as long as you remembered the photos we’ll call it even.

  30. Be careful what you wish for WT, its not a pretty sight!!!

  31. Congratulations to all the winners of this most prestigious award. The winners are really getting a good deal. For 5 thousand and a dirty picture, they receive the lovely award and 100 million dollars. Are those Australian, American, or Zimbawian dollars?

  32. Hmmmm….only female winners. I guess they would have to be if you wanted ‘mounted’ pictures :lol: Unless you’re…..naaa couldn’t be.

    Congrats to all the winners!!

  33. Have no idea what’s going on…don’t have time to read about it…on the road for the last two weeks wtih the dogs and HansMan…just wanted to say hey.

  34. Dear Sir,

    I humbly apologize for promoting “Bogan” habits on my blog! I will try not to do it again! You don’t know how accurate your follow up comment was. SB and BIL went to the beach in the morning and there was a similar riot happening in the Soldiers car park! All under age, drunk, (all, how does one say it without being a bigot? Bogans or “red neck bastards” as SB so politely puts it!). One has to wonder where all the cops were? It took them about 20 minutes to try and maneuver their cars through the mob. (Mind you I don’t know if they were local kids or tourists, we are still overrun with them at the moment! Only a few days to go and they will all go home and quiet will once again be upon us!)

    Okay so SORRY! (Now what do you think about all this change Australia day’s date?)

  35. I have howled hilariously at these winners, excellent choices!!

  36. Wow, I am honoured. Seriously, it’s definitely my lucky lucky day. Ta WT. I love you even more now. Sighhhhhhh. :D

  37. …. what about me on a mountain mat mounting Matt?

    Will THAT get me the Dingo III blog award?

    I want one BAD.

    The price is a little high, I admit … maybe we can barter?

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