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Everyone loves an embarassing story

This may be a long post so if you’re like me and have a short attention span, maybe one of the posts with pictures would be a better option.

Although I’ve only been reading blogs for a short time, less than a month in fact, one thing I have noticed is that people love an embarassing story (I think its called schadenfruede). While this is nowhere near as embarassing as some that I’ve read (if you’re reading this Pioneer Woman, yes I’m talking about you and the wig fiasco), it does make me laugh when I think about it.

A long time ago in a land far away there was a young married couple (that would be me and My Darling Wife, living in San Jose). One day they decided to go to the mall, not any mall but an upmarket one called the Pruneyard, in Campbell CA. This mall wasn’t frequented by those who thought Kmart was a really splendid way to spend the day, but rather by those who could read. I make this distinction because there was a combination bookstore/coffee shop called The Upstart Crow where the cool people hung out reading books, indulging in conversation and drinking java. The coolest of the cool hung out in the outdoor garden area at the back of the store.

We had been out to lunch earlier in the day (mexican, I mean this is SJ) and thought it would be good to get some mallersize, i.e. go for a walk around the mall. After an hour or so of window shopping, ice-creams and cokes we decided it was time to head back home.

All along the outside wall at the back of the mall was a hedge about 6 ft tall (all, wall, mall, tall, maybe this should be a poem). Back to the hedge, which we were walking alongside on the way to our car. At this point I felt the effects of both the beans and the coke-cola, both wanted to cast off some gas but in different directions.

Now you have to realise that we had only been married a couple of years and I was still trying to come up with ways to impress MDW, and thought “hey what better way to show her that I’m a real man then to burp and fart at the same time”. So I decided to really exert some pressure and get some decent resonance, afterall we were out in the carpark and there was no-one around.

So, bracing myself I let fly. Talk about resonance! I got so much pressure in each direction that my butt cheeks were rippling and my chest was rattling. Boy was I proud of that effort! That is, of course, until the echos died down and right at that exact moment I found myself at a break in the hedge, which unfortunately turned out to be the back entrance to the Upstart Crow. Or in other words, I found myself looking directly at about 35 pairs of eyes staring directly back at me from the outdoor garden area.

5 Responses

  1. Very nice! My husband is definitely the more prim and proper of the two of us. I probably farted before he did – but we’ve been married eleven years and counting, so who says we have to be traditional!

  2. Oh, my! Laughing…out…loud! My 12-yr-old son recently informed me that he had “total” body control…starting with his eyebrows and moving down, he can “do something” w/every part of his body…including burping & passing gas on command. (Get this: after my tirade on profanity, one of the words I MOST hate and won’t use is fart, I can barely write it there…my husband says I’m a “complex woman” b/c of such inconsistencies)After almost 19 years of marriage, Tad has NEVER heard me do the latter (unless, perhaps, I WAS in a bathroom) because “I don’t do that”–HA! Honestly, I WISH I could let ’em rip, but I just can’t. But I can burp with the best of ’em;) (go figure…another inconsistency…).

  3. Aren’t you the teller of intimate details! What is it about farting that offends the western psyche? Near where I live the water smells of rotten eggs but no one suggests that it smells of farts, wonder why?

  4. O
    Gawd! I’m writhing with laughter.

    That’s AWESOME!

  5. if you ever ask me this i will deny it, but i once dated a waiter who prided himself on being able to “lay a fart line” through the middle of the restaurant.

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