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Earl Schieb was here.

I’ve just had my weekly session with ET and warned him that the revelations would continue unchecked unless he visited my blog. He not only wouldn’t commit to checking it out, he gave me even more ammunition, but as they aren’t first hand accounts, I probably won’t use them, but then I might.

Before we begin, I need to bring you up to speed on PO, his wife, as her behavior is germane. Not only did PO have no sense of embarrassment, even worse, she reveled in embarrassing others (particularly me). For those familiar with Ree’s writing, I’m just like MM in so far as I hate having any attention focused on me in a crowd (ironic, considering I’m an accomplished public speaker).

By contrast PO loves attention and will do what ever it takes to get it. She has one of those distinctive (and extremely shrill) laughs, if her laugh was a meal it would have been served with a side order of straightjacket. It was loud, piercing and hysterical and she was not afraid to use it. She would put it to great effect in restaurants (which we went to often), and would purposely let out such a maniacal chortle that it was guaranteed to startle everyone within a ten table radius. Thereby ensuring that the entire restaurant would be staring at our table in astonishment.

So to ET’s story, the morning after the party, while I was lying in bed hoping the day would just go away, I heard what seemed to be a blood curdling scream. I was shocked into wakefulness (not to mention hurt physically) by what turned out to be one of PO’s hysterical outbursts. I sprang out of bed (well sort of, I got tangled in the bedding and ended up on the floor) and rushed to see what was wrong. The scene that greeted me was like something out of CSI. The bathtub looked like a body had been dismembered in it and it took a couple of seconds to realise that PO was shaking with laughter, not shock.

Seems ET thought rather than run the risk of getting the the bathroom covered in wine barf if he missed the toilet, it would be better to aim for the bath which afforded him a bigger target. Having performed the equivalent of an Earl Schieb $99 spray job, it then took him hours to get the colour out of the bath. We’re talking old bath with worn porcelain, i.e. no sheen and very porous and the wine didn’t give up without a fight.

So ET, you keep ignoring me and I’ll keep writing.

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10 Responses

  1. When I had my blog (before I had to shut it down-security reasons, you know), I told 2 of my friends and my sister about it…do you think they made even one entry?Good luck with ET…I got more luck with strangers commenting.

  2. LOL ET keep ignoring him…so he will keep writing 😛

  3. Do you know what I bet? I bet he does lurk and he is just totally satisfied at this point in lurking. Calling him out with wine barf wont make him comment. Anyone that can throw up that much wine in a sink and bathtub and act normal and clean up after himself too is not an ordinary soul. WT if you want ET to make a comment, you must ignore him, not tempt him. *snicker*But I for one would welcome input from a close friend, one who could tell the OTHER sides of these instances…………Like where did you barf?

  4. where’s the pictures? snort.E.T. phone home………….

  5. Oh nasty. If someone puked in my tub they would have to buy me a new tub.

  6. if her laugh was a meal it would have been served with a side order of straightjacket …let out such a maniacal chortle that it was guaranteed to startle everyone within a ten table radius …I sprang out of bed (well sort of, I got tangled in the bedding and ended up on the floor) …The bathtub looked like a body had been dismembered …All this from a self-professed, “accomplished public speaker”…WOULDN’T Y’ALL LOVE TO HEAR HIM??!Willowtree, you had me at hello…(and da*n you for feeding the addiction)

  7. At least he hit the bathtub!!! You could have been cleaning puke up in the hallway carpet.

  8. People who laugh like that scare the bloody hell out of me. And they always seem to throw their heads back when they do it. Why is that? And, I agree. If someone puked in my tub, I would be wanting a new one. A friend shaved her legs in my tub and didn’t clean it out and I was gaggy all day. I love her, but not enough to clean her leg hairs out of my tub. I once sat next to a guy at a soccer game who cut his toenails while the little girls played. I told him he was disgusting. He laughed and THREW one of his toenails at me. I thought about catching it and making him eat it, but figured that he would enjoy it too much.

  9. I got you all beat… when I was working in a job – training a new hire… and one of the guys walked up to introduce himself, and the whole time he talked to us he was flossing his teeth

  10. LOL – ET don’t phone home! These stories are too good! Pete! Wonderful writing. I second what Robin said, would love to hear you speak at a public function. 🙂

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