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Buddy can you spare a dime?

Would you give this bum some loose change to buy a cup of coffee?

If you did, you’d be wasting your money, for not only does he own the building in the background and another twice the size ( both in San Francisco), he also owns sixty condos in Sacremento.

And if that’s not enough, his mother owns either two or three (I forget exactly) city blocks in North Platt, Nebraska. Which he will one day own.

So he can afford his own damn coffee!


Ahh, to be young again.

When I first saw this at Heather’s I thought it was a good light hearted meme that could save me (and any others who were interested) the trouble of coming up with a post. I have to confess that I got a bit disdainful once I actually read the questions, but hey, it’s all good fun so here’s my responses.

1. What does your headline mean?
That would mean I logged into Myspace by mistake. Something I rarely do since I realised that the average age of myspace users was 12.

2. Elaborate on your default photo:
myspace: That’s my Charlie Daniels lookalike photo.
blogger: It’s Snoopy smoking a cigarette while holding an Alpha Beta whiskey bottle.

3. What’s your middle name[s]?:
Ian. Wanna make something of it!

4. What is your current relationship status?
Married, but I tell women I meet that I’m a widower.

5. What are you wearing right now?
Shorts, Mall of America tshirt and leather thongs (footwear, not the other kind)

6. What is your current problem?
Are you kidding me? Have you tried to fucking use Blogger lately?

7. Who do you love most?
That would be me.

8. Who makes you most happy?
Pee Wee Herman. No wait, he makes me laugh, the pizza guy makes me happy.

9. Are you musically talented?
You betcha, drums, guitar, keyboards and harmonica.

10. If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would you change?
The concept that asking a stupid question like this was a clever thing to do.

11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what would it be?
Lion. No explanation required, they are the best, plus I’m a Leo. Hey I thought you said there was no explanation required!!

12. Ever have a near death experience?
Yes. Next question.

13. Can you dance?
Is the pope a catholic? Do chickens have lips? Do you really care?

14. What’s the name of the song that’s stuck in your head right now?
I have no song stuck in my head, that’s because unlike myspace users I have no iPod stuck in my ear.

15. Who did u cut and paste this from?
Heather, and the further I go, the more I regret it. Note it says ‘u’ instead of ‘you’, a dead giveaway that it came from myspace,

16. Name someone with the same b-day as you.
Any one who was born on the 24th of August would qualify, why limit it to just one?

17. Have you ever destroyed someone’s property?
Yes. err I mean no.

18. Have you ever been in a fight?
Hmmm let me think, I grew up in the western suburbs of Sydney (think east LA) and I spent 16 years in construction, that would be a YES.

19. Have you ever sang in front of a big audience?
No, I’m a musician not a singer.

The whole genitalia thing mostly. And the hope that I will get lucky.

21. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Don’t go. Not that I wouldn’t, just that there aren’t any around here.

22. Do you have a crush on one of your myspace friends?
If I tell you will you pass them a note for me? Better yet, what if I stand next to them at recess and giggle.

23. Ever had a drunken night in Mexico?
I guess it might have been Mexico, not too sure really, but then you could pick any major city on most continents and the answer would still be yes.

24. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
I bear an uncanny resemblance to Joan Rivers with a beard.

25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
Yes I do and I’m proud of it. In fact there is even a new term that has been coined…kidult.

26. Did you have braces?
How else would my pants stay up?

27. Are you comfortable with your height?
Yes, but only when I’m sitting.

28 Do you consider yourself adventurous?
No, but others do.

29. Do you speak any other languages?
Yep, I speak English, Australian, American, French and Thai.

30. Whats your favorite smell?
Bacon and eggs, coffee and the perfume the waitress is wearing.


Boy ! Do I feel stupid ! !

I posted a rather disparaging post about Blogger a short time ago, accusing it of making my post disappear. Errr, well… this is the post I was talking about. Seems I was in the wrong blog when I wrote and published it. Hey at least I’m man enough to admit it and not just go and delete the rant, after all Susan is the only one who has seen it so far. But no, I’ll leave it there and accept reponsibility for my actions.

This is the missing post, it was entitled
These Pets don’t eat much“…

I hadn’t noticed before, but the cat seems to have had its ear chewed, no doubt by one of the real live pets.

These guys are ideal if you don’t want pets that you have to feed, water and walk. And even better it’s just like the old joke “Did you hear about the wooden dog?”. Person replies “No”. The joker responds “Wooden shit”. That’s a play on words, so if you don’t get it, just let me say that with these guys, there’s no need for a pooper scooper.

Isn’t this fun? I must confess that the only reason I’m doing this is to see if blogger has got some help for its problems, it seemed to be publishing a bit better on the test blog that I have.

While I think of it… Anzac (or more correctly ANZAC) Day is a national holiday similar to your Remembrance Day. The date is the 25th of April, when the Battle of Gallipoli was waged during WWI. ANZAC stands for Australia and New Zealand Army Corps.

I was dumber even earlier.

There’s no way I could match Marnie’s superior humour (stapling people to chickens! pure genius) or Melissa’s riveting insight into history (who knew the Stock Market shot pigs and tried to sell them to grocers, or worse, buried them when there were hungry people with invisible cats).

No, I know I’m not in their league. In fact the only thing going for me is that my literary brilliance was produced ten years before theirs. It’s pretty cringeworthy, but isn’t that what blogging is all about?

I want to be absolutely clear that I have no wish to join the Baby Blogger Wars (I’d get creamed), I just want to show my support for both sides.

As usual, you need to click the pic if you want to actually read it. But it may well be a waste of you time, it’s up to you.

This is what blogger needs

Someone needs to pop the hood and see what’s wrong with this piece of shit. And I’ve got some tools they can use if they need them. I don’t know whether it’s social engineering or not (trying to get us to move to beta blogger, hey I take beta bloggers for my heart condition) but this version of blogger sure is useless these days.

I know it’s free but that’s no reason for it to be crap. I’m only posting this to see what happens, it just seems to go around in circles when it tries to publish.

**Updated. This just gets worse and worse, first it wouldn’t publish, then it published the same thing twice. Then it wouldn’t delete the extra post, it shows up on the blog but it doesn’t show in the post list. I think we are approaching meltdown.

Willowtree Motel.

I had a great experience last night, well it was actually early this morning. I got to try one of those vibrating beds you get in sleazy motels. Seeing as there are no motels in Willow Tree this was quite an accomplishment.

At around 3:30am, a severe thunderstorm raged around my place, it’s still raging as I type. In fact it’s why I’m posting this now, any minute I’ll be losing power for I don’t know how long, so I’m trying to get this post in before it goes out. I speak from experience here.

Anyway back to the vibrating bed, the beagle has always been terrified of thunderstorms (which makes him pretty unlucky because we get a lot here), and recently the pug has picked up the habit, he used to be fine, I don’t know what happened to change him. So, at around 3:30 this morning they both got on the bed, huddled up against me and began trembling like there’s no tomorrow.

So not only did they make the bed vibrate, they gave me a great back massage too. Shit! That one was close, the windows are still rattling. I better finish up before I lose everything.


Show us the colour of your money!

Marnie recently posted a photo of the fortune she made by selling her unwanted stuff and I commented that it looked a lot like ours. So in the spirit of putting my money where my mouth is, here’s a picture of Aussie dollars. You may notice that there are no pennies, that’s because we’ve done away with them. Our lowest coin is 5c and our highest is $2, that’s the smaller of the two gold coloured coins.

Unlike Melissa, I didn’t have to mug my kids to get a photo. Now, I’m not saying that I didn’t have to put in a big effort, actually I had to sell a kidney to get this much money. But the joke’s on them, because I’ve had so much booze over the years, that there’s probably only a few weeks left in it anyway so ha ha!

This just goes to show that Coke is everywhere, and apperently so is Gumby. The bottle has 20c and 10c pieces while the can has 50c and 5c pieces.

Here’s a riddle for you: What’s the most American coinage can you have and still not be able to make change for a dollar?