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Don’t you wish you could tell them to get stuffed?

Have you ever been watching the news on TV when some feisty powerful person is being grilled by a Senate committee or some such body? Don’t you just love it when they bite back? Well I did that one time (but not a Senate committee), trouble was I got no satisfaction out of it. Here’s why.

When I worked for Sydney Water, one of the positions I held was ‘Senior Analyst, Information and Communications Systems’. Part of my job was to analyse system requirements and produce various documents including business cases, system specifications, database design and implementation control plans. That, by the way, is why I’ve got a bit of an idea why blogger is such a bitch these days.

Anyway, on a number of occasions I had to design Scientific applications, this meant many, many, many interviews with scientists. At one of the labs, the minimum qualification was a Ph.D., and I’m telling you I’ve never seen such a collection of fuckwitts in my life! I remember two of these peckerheads arguing for nearly 30 minutes on whether the punctuation should have been a colon or a semi colon. These same nerds failed to notice that they had only specified half of the data that needed to be kept on each sample. We’re talking major league fuckwitts here!

So after about six months of this bullshit I’d had enough, and started to cut back on my politeness (if you knew me personally you’d know there wasn’t that much fat to trim at the best of times). After much effort we were approaching the final stages of System Specification, which meant, among other things, fine tuning the reports that would be produced. As this system analysed water samples from all over the Sydney catchment, there were always different people coming in from the field to be interviewed.

On this one occasion there were four people I had never met before, and as luck would have it, I was caught up in traffic getting to the meeting from head office and missed the introductions. Using a whiteboard we started to design some additional reports, now I was a bit miffed that this was being done so late in the process but bit my tongue. But it just got worse, these guys were asking for stuff that no-one had seemed to mention in all the time I had been involved.

Enough is enough I decided and losing it almost completely, gave them an unbelievably inappropriate spray. I don’t remember it all but it did involve words and phrases like ‘you people need to pull you heads out of your arses and face reality’, and ‘there is no way we are going to do this just to satisfy your whims’. There were also swear words and some aspertions cast about their parentage. They just sat there like stunned mullets and took it all.

When the meeting ended and everyone went their separate ways, the chief scientist came over to me and said “You do realise that they were from the EPA don’t you?” The EPA being the body that licences Sydney Water to carry out its function. Oops.

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16 Responses

  1. “Fuckwitts” must be an Australian term; as that one is new to me.Maybe it is good that you did not know that these people were from the EPA. Maybe you would altered exactly what you said. Then again, maybe not.

  2. My parents have PhD’s. So do three of my aunts and uncles. But fuckwit is a good way to describe one or more of them sometimes. 😉

  3. Colon or semi-colon? you’ve got to be kidding!! funny story!

  4. BTW…love the new banner!!

  5. A fuckwit is a fuckwit is a fuckwit. I have decided that I am sick of the word placate. I’m GLAD you went for it. I just hope you didn’t um…get fired.

  6. OOPS! So was the colon/semi-colon problem ever resolved?NICE banner, btw. It looks great. I’ve been trying to spruce up what I’ve got instead of changing to something new – I can’t make heads or tails of the new BetaBlogger HTML, XML, XHTML crap.

  7. Oops is right. Great story. LOL@the fuckwitts 🙂

  8. Sounds like it had to be done, and you were the person for the job!

  9. Wow – that was really putting your foot in your mouth! Hee hee. I can picture it, though – having worked in the science field with a bunch of Ph.D dimwits who could be fooled by bar charts with altered scales.Love the new banner~

  10. Yay for giving it to the fuckwitts. I know this term but I am Canadian.I have a few people I need “taken care of.” Would you be interested in some contract work?

  11. Marnie, why do you always have to drag our personal business into the street? He lives in Australia for chrissake! How is he going to get to Idaho so quickly that we can all meet in between British Columbia and California for the hit? I don’t appreciate this shit. Let’s take it OUTSIDE!;)

  12. great story. Now I know why you live in the outback.they’re probably still looking for ya!I thought that term was something Rocky Balboa said. don’t #!*# witt me.And then he beat him to a pulp.

  13. so..IT God, my hubby says when I go to all of these blog sites, our computer keeps getting infected with viruses..also when I upload pictures from unknown sites..is he right, huh, huh? Also, my mouse is haunted..doesn’t seem to want to go where I tell it to..what’s up with that?

  14. Ha! This one totally cracked me up!Plus the word “fuckwit” makes me laugh. Of course “semi-colon” kinda does too.

  15. I might adopt peckerhead and fuckwitt as two of my new favorite words. Would you mind?I’ll give you credit for them.

  16. I believe I am a fuckwit.

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