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Willow’s big Adventure

Having arrived home from New Zealand bruised but not beaten (being robbed of everything and having to work 12 hours a day to save for the trip home on top having to pay for food and lodgings will do that to you), I took a couple of months of R&R in Sydney before deciding on my next move.

If you need to get up to speed, you should read Part 1. (just kidding, this is Pt 1, I just used a literary device to give the impression of a continuing story, which life actually is).

A friend’s father had a big-rig that had a contract to deliver copper tubing to Perth, and the friend told me that I could go on one of the trips. He didn’t tell me that I’d have to paint the trailer but it was ok, I wasn’t doing anything anyway. So after about 2 weeks preparation we were off on a 3,000 mile trek across some of the most barren lands I’ve ever seen, and that’s saying something because I’ve been to England and there’s a lot of baron’s land over there.

From memory the trip took about a week, but my memory is pretty foggy as my friend’s father popped speed like they were tik taks, and he had plenty to go around. I do remember not being able to crap for a week after we got there! The only drama we had was just as we entered West Australia. There were what the truckers referred to as "mermaids", who were mobile compliance officers who check the weight of big-rigs. We played hide and seek in the middle of the dessert in 100F+ temperatures for three days, which wouldn’t have been so bad if it weren’t for the 8 tons of fresh oysters sitting on top of the 45 tons of copper.

In case you’re wondering, the compliance guys were called mermaids because they had these portable weighing devices in their trucks, which made them c*nts with scales. (even I don’t say c&nt, well I do but not to Yanks or women, which covers most of you one way or another. We actually use it quite a bit over here and its not considered any worse than muthafucka).

It only took a few days to find a job in Perth, in fact, less time than it took to be able to crap again. And when I finally did crap it was as solid as a rock, more like a stone actually, seems like I’m obsessed with a turd, just like Sharon Stone was in Fecal Attraction. But I digress. Got a job and rented a room in a house with some College students (we were about the same age). Worked there for about 3 months, riding my bike (10 speed) the 5 miles each way to work everyday, but soon got discouraged at how slow I was making money.

Then the thought appeared unbidden "Maybe there’s something in the Employment section." So I bought the newspaper, and you know what? There was. I rang the number and the conversation went pretty much like this…

"Hi, I’m calling about the add in today’s paper". Direct don’t you think? I like getting straight to the point.

"Are you Licensed?" came the reply, ah ha, two can play that game (it was a fair question given that electricians must be licensed).

"Yes"

"Are you experienced in Industrial installation?"

"That’s a big ten four that good buddy" (actually I said yes)

"When can you start?"

"Whenever you want me to."

"Be at the AirWest terminal at Perth Airport by 7 o’clock tomorrow morning and tell them you’re with Wardle&Yates, the flight is at 8 o’clock. What’s your name for the ticket?"

I gave him my name.

"I’ll see you up there next week" said the disembodied voice, who I would later come to know as Ron Wardle.

"Ok, thanks" I replied.

Click.

"Hmmm, never done that before."

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11 Responses

  1. Willow, I am laughing ..the baron’s land, encounters of the turd kind, and the dialogue…it makes me think a little of those Nigerian businessmen that keep sending us those emails…

    Anyways, I’m sure you’ve probably got the answer in the next part, but where were they flying you?

    (oh and you’ve given me another idea for a post…. *grin*)

  2. had me giggling — fecal attraction oh my

    I’m going to be measuring this adventure on the Sphincter Scale, I can tell.

    by the way. I knew what a root was B E C A U S E my OB/GYN for my two youngest daughters was Australian.
    He was kind of crass.

  3. You mean crass in a relative kind of way don’t you? Over here he would probably be considered rather refined.

    Ha! I just remembered, I knew a Gynecologist once(a colleague of MDW’s) and I said to him once “you must have the best job in the world”, to which he replied “you try working in a fanny farm in the middle of summer and see how you like it”. The way he callously destroyed my fantasy was crass.

    And once again, I’m not making this up.

  4. …you had me at “hello” (aka the first paragraph–in this post, anyway. Your poignant use of “literary device” sucked me in like a Hoover.

    By “poignant”, I mean anything but.

    Don’t be tellin’ me you don’t read stuff about nose impairments when you obsess over bowels or rather lack of their movement.

    V e r y educational. And to think I always thought “mermaids” were mythical sea beauties, with flowing red hair and beautiful voices, bottom half scaled, top half not (obviously influenced by Disney…).

    Loved “reading your mind” as you expounded on the story at every turn. Adds so much flavor ;).

  5. Okay…
    Where to start?

    LOVE the idea of a serial post adventure story. LOVE IT! All very interesting because we only know what Hollywood wants us to know about Australia and the nether regions of said continent.

    Knowing that each country has it’s own peculiarities, I will not make a judgmental comment on the use of the ‘c’ word. I appreciate your deference in using a symbol for the vowel though. I’m not sure why that word has such an incredible ugliness for us American woman, but it does. I watch alot of British films and they use it probably in the same vein as you all down in Oz.
    Maybe because when it’s used here in the States, it is used in such a vituperative vile manner, that it cannot have ‘another’ meaning. While the ‘f’ word gets used so much, it’s almost like an everyday adjective here.
    So, expound on the job you took in Perth. Expound on your experiences with speed. I have done neither so it would be fun to see it from your perspective.

    As always, I enjoy whatever you share with us. Even dead…er sleeping Roo’s. ;0]
    ♥Pam

  6. Were you licensed and had you worked on Industrial Installation before? – or were you just feeding him crap to get the job?

    (I think you actually were licensed because I remember you saying you were an electrician before – but industrial? hmmmmmm……) I’ll be back to find out!!!

    OH – Baron’s lands – ha ha ha ha ha ha

  7. So.. many… puns… 😀

    Interesting start, looking forward to Part 2 (or is it 3 now? :-P)

  8. LOL, can’t wait to hear how the first day on the job went!

    (You’ll like my new post 😉 )

  9. Please do tell more about your bowel movements. I find those interesting. Pain Killers will do that to ya. We call the big ones, “Given birth to a Texan.”

    btw I’m impressed you got a job on over the PHONE where they had to FLY you someplace to get there.

    Pamela I got the “Sphincter” remark b/c a friend of mine’s Mom would tell when someone farted, “Don’t do that your going to ruin your Sphincter and then one day when your old you’ll poop down your leg in walmart.”

  10. Okay I don’t know who made me laugh more. WT had me laughing the whole story. Then several comments, and then Vicki – oh my heck. Literally I laughed out loud at all of you, umm with all of you. Yea.

    Okay, WT – get part II out there. Will ya!

  11. Don’t be tellin’ me you don’t read stuff about nose impairments when you obsess over bowels or rather lack of their movement.

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