Hey sports fans, do you love watching baseball on TV? If yes then good, so do I, if no then spare a thought for poor old Willowtree, as you should know this feels. Now I’m the first to admit that there are more exciting sports to watch on TV than baseball, but having played for a number of years I will always have a soft spot for it. Not so for cricket.
Not liking cricket is a problem for someone who lives in a country that honours its drunken brain-dead cricket ‘heroes’ while deriding anyone concerned with art, literature or social justice. I’m not kidding, the last few "Australians of the Year" as decided by our Prime Minister with input from his
sycophants advisers, have either been drunken loutish cricketers or drunken loutish pop singers.
Ok, so why am I so happy all of a sudden? Why I’ll tells ya…the Ashes have finally finished with Australia beating England 5-0. And while this may be an historic event (it last happened in 1921), and while beating the Poms is always fun, it still bores me shitless.
So, the Aussies beat the Poms in straight sets eh? No, no, no, that’s not what the score line says. The Ashes Series (being what’s known as Test Cricket) is played over five matches. "Hell that’s not so bad" you say…did I forget to mention that each match takes 5 days, and that each day’s play lasts a full 8 hours?
Yessir you read that right, we’re not talking a best of 7 World Series, we’re talking 25 days of 8 hours’ play between just two teams. But hey it gets better, if someone wins the first 3 matches, they still play the last two (which is what happened this year). Sorry, you haven’t got a calculator? Here, let me work it out for you….that’s 25 days times 8 hours equals 200 hours of mind numbingly boring stick and ball games, and that includes 80 hours of play after the result was determined.
"Stop complaining" you say, "watch something else why don’t you?" I would if I had affordable cable like civilized countries, but it’s just too
fucking darned expensive. So that leaves me with 4 channels in total. One channel hasshown nothing but cricket since the weather started to warm up last spring, one channel seems to only show Proactiv infomercials during daylight hours, don’t forget it summer here so there’s a lot of daylight hours (mind you I just can’t get enough of P Diddy talking about his zits), one channel seems to be owned by Oprah Winfrey and the last is run by the government. I’ll bitch and moan as much as I like!
Now that the Test is over, its time for one day cricket. Uh-huh,
cricket that goes for one full day (as opposed to the five lots of five
days for one result) is referred to as the short form!! So don’t expect sympathy from me if your spouse wants to take a few hours of quality time to watch baseball. I’ve got my own problems.
Filed under: Ephemeral |