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Ree must be feeling the pressure.

Boy, this is really strange! I got an email from the Pioneer Woman the other day (nothing unusual about that, it was only a matter of time really, after all I’ve been sending her around forty a day since last June). At first I thought it was just to tell me that she’d renewed the restraining order, but no, it was to offer me some blog advice.

"Holy Shit!" I thought, "now we’re getting somewhere!!"

Ree has gone from being a blogger just like the rest of us, to having a whole wall devoted to her at the Smithsonian blogging exhibition (slight exaggeration, it’s not much more than a third of a wall). So to get blogging tips from her could possibly turn me into an icon of the blogging world too, a bit like Heather Armstrong or Wil Wheaton, but without all the kid pictures and Star Trek references.

I was doing the pee-pee dance over what pearls of wisdom she would impart to me, so you can imagine my utter surprise and dismay when I realised that Ree was actually feeling threatened by my blog! No kidding, that bitch finally gave in to her uncontrollable competitive spirit and covertly tried to sabotage my blog.  Jezzus, I mean she got over 400 comments in one post alone this week, yet she’s still worried about my blog being more popular than hers. Why else would she go to all the trouble of sending me an idea that I’m sure she believes will sink the Dingo once and for all!

This should really have come as no surprise, we all remember the great Cooking Showdown.  If you click the link, don’t bother clicking the links within that post, but do check out the comments, I think they are the longest I’ve ever seen! (both of the links in that post are to old Blogger posts). Both are now on our TP blogs, but I’m not going to look for them for you.  Oh, and that’s just one more example of how sneaky she is, she followed me to TypePad but she did it about a week before me so no-one would notice.

Ok, now don’t forget we’re talking about a woman who has attracted hundreds of female readers by writing about childbirth, romance and motherhood; scores of male readers by writing about tractors, horses and her sister’s breasts; some christians by writing about church and cooking (hey christians gotta to eat too ya know!); and me, by writing about putting her panties in a coffin and pulling her classmate’s wig off.

We’re talking about a woman who has produced not one, but two different calenders featuring her amazing photography, has posted step by step instructions on how to make everything from gooey cinnamon rolls to hot passionate romance and everything in between. And that’s not to mention Ethel Merman impersonations and alphabetic burping (although I guess I just did). So what was the Pioneer Woman’s sage advice to me?  Wait for it…."Post photos of grocery items".  Are you freaking kidding me??

Well Ree, I’ve got news for you! I have every confidence in my blog and to prove it, I am going to post photos of grocery items, not because you told me to, but because I’ve got nothing else worth posting. So don’t think I’ve fallen for your dirty, lowdown trick.

And just to show I’m not lying, here’s a sample of what’s to come….


And what’s more, to prove I’m not afraid of failure, apart from Monday (which is Fun Monday and I’m otherwise occupied), I’ll be doing grocery posts all next week. What doesn’t kill my blog makes it more bizarre. The gloves are off!


23 Responses

  1. you crack me up.now this is a new one on how to attract comments.but hey if it works I may try it.glad to see you are in full flow on your blog.I love your beagle he reminds me of a beagle I had long ago.his name was barney.God bless.

  2. Dear willowtree. The box says ‘comments’, so here are my comments. Oh, it looks like SAO rebranded. Hmm… The serviettes are packaged to look like ladies sanitary items. Um… Personally I prefer the Anchonvette Pecks Paste. And last but not least, I hope you never accidentally put the dog meat on a sandwich thinking it’s devon, as a friend of mine once did.

    he he this post made me laugh. I think I might do a grocery post next week too! Altough, the rations aren’t too exciting.

  3. Ree’s gooey cinnamon rolls… I just made those for the second time yesterday. YUM!

    OK, enough about Ree… I am interested in the Salmon/Lobster paste. What’s it like? I used to but shrimp paste at the Asian food store when I lived in California… but it was more on the sweet side.

    By the way, every time I see your quote in your header, it always makes me think of “I doubt, therefore I might be.”

  4. LOL My husband just asked are those groceries? why would someone do that? i said well of courese to get more people interested LOL

  5. I think I’d like some fruitcake please! 🙂

  6. Ooooo…just as I expected—I recognize NOTHING there on your shelf. What the heck do you blokes eat?

    What are servettes? Napkins? Why not just call them napkins?

    What do parents in Australia say? “Put your serviette in your lap and sit up straight!”

    More, please! More!

  7. the only thing i noticed was the polident! it’s for your dog’s dentures right?!?!?

    and does the whiskey hide the nasty that is fruit cake?

  8. How dare she try to take your blog down. Isn’t enough that Ree attracts comments like two day old road kill? That she has ruined the once casual blogging experience by running picture contests with cute rented children?

    I agree WT, she must be stopped before she spreads herself all over the world.

    Is there anything there that is actually edible?

  9. YOU HAVE FALSE TEETH? Or is there some double-naught secret use for Polident?

    Looks like you’re taking blogging about nothing to a whole new level.

    I bow to your prowess.

  10. I love the brown bottle of salmonella lobster.

    Also? Aside from the polident I didn’t recognize a damn thing in there.

  11. I don’t recognize anything other than the PB and the napkins.

    Whisky fruit cake? Perhaps that’s what’s been missing in my diet.

  12. So is the Lobster and salmon for you or Bentley?

    I did recognize some gummy bears in there too.

    Wait til I get my hands on Ree – what advice! HA!

  13. Dammit! Of course Jenny saw the salmonella lobster too. Except I was going to call it salmonella lobster paste. Jenny is my twin.

  14. I see crackers.
    I see jelly crystals? is that like jam ?

    I see unbearables

    napkins. I’ve heard before that napkins in AU and EU mean ladies thingymajiggers.

    cream puffs.

    Gee, Peter, you are a sweety lover.

    ps. Mandy (Amanda) figured out the crackers. I’m leaving to take the curlymops to the toy store. yeah!!!

  15. Sweet tooth there by any chance Willow?

  16. I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary there, although I am curious where you took the photo. Somewhere where there are tiles on the floor and on the wall. The floor tiles are quite glossy and not too big. Those look like bathroom tiles. Did you take this photo sitting on the toilet?

  17. custard in a bottle? Hmmmm

    I have to say Ree is right. Good post. I enlarged the photo to see the details. That’s a good sign.

  18. You can use denture tablets to clean your coffeemaker. I use them to soak my nighttime bite guard (prevents teeth grinding). You can also use them to clean your toilet (the denture tablets, not my bite guard, please). mk

  19. Leann – He was actually named Barney first, but a friend of mine’s name is Barney and he wasn’t too pleased, so we changed it to Bentley. (true story).

    LMM – That’s Sao’s 100 year celebration packet. The serviettes are dual purpose. Anchovette, yuck!!! I always laugh about mixing up the dog food with devon.

    Mert – Your question will be answered during this next week.

    Wolfie – He just doesn’t understand blogging, it’s different to porn.

    Ree – Nice job of covering your arse and making it look like you were really trying to help! Yes parents do say “put your serviette on you lap…” There will be more.

    Nikki – No, it’s mine, and I hope so.

    Brian – Thanks for the support. Yes some of it is.

    Robin – I have a partial plate from a car accident.

    Jenny and Kila – Explanations will be forthcoming.

    Karmyn – It’s for me, but it’s not for the feint hearted.

    Melissa – Too late baby, in every sense!! Muwahahahaa.

    Pamela – So many questions, most will be answered shortly, but for now…yes ladies thingies are called sanitary napkins, and diapers are called nappies (a derivation) so I guess that’s why we call them serviettes.

    Claudia – You betcha.

    ToBear – That’s my kitchen counter, tiled counters are common in America but not so much here. I did it because the the old counter top was ratshit and this was the cheapest way to fix it.

    Vicki – Yeah it’s great stuff!

    MArkira – Very useful information, from know on I’m going to soak my plate in the coffeemaker.

  20. Hmmm! Interesting. McD’s brother calls napkins “shucks.” So serviette isn’t so bad. 🙂

    Well, I am looking forward to seeing more. Not to make side with Ree or anything, but I am looking forward to seeing more.

  21. Alas he does not get as to why i spend hours and hours on the computer laughing my arse off..then he comes over and what? why are you laughing? gently shoes the hubs away “it’s ok darlin, when you grow up you’ll understand” LOL

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