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I’m devastated

I knew I should have listened to my instincts and not bring a female cat into my life (don’t forget, I got Beep for MDW in the first place). I’ve only ever had one female in the past and it was a spiteful, ungrateful, emotionless, nasty piece of work (a bit like MDW really, relax, she never reads this stuff). My gut told me it would be a mistake to upset the balance; five males and zero females here at my utopia in the bush seemed to be a pretty good mix. Sure MDW visits occasionally, but she never stays long, so everyone is happy.

This morning when I came into the computer room, Beep was (I thought) on the keyboard, turns out she was actually at the keyboard. By the time I got to her she had managed to save the files and clear the screen, but being a computer tech it only took me a little under sixteen hours to locate them. What I found was rather disturbing.

I have sensed for the past couple of days that she no longer looks at me with the same levels of love and devotion that I saw in her two weeks ago. When she first arrived here she used snuggle up on my chest and go to sleep and that’s where she would stay all day. Stupidly, like most men, I took this to be affection, whereas she simply wanted a safe place to sleep out of the reach of the dogs.

Well, now the cat’s out of the bag (not often you get to say that when you’re actually talking about a cat), and I’m now almost certain that her feelings for me have cooled a little, if there ever really were any feelings in the first place.

When I finally found the files they looked like fairly innocuous cat pictures, but being the suspicious, analytical, techno-geek nerd that I am, I ran them through as series of reverse iterative algorithms that  isolated the extraneous binary code and uncovered secret ASCII characters. I then re-compiled and reverse engineered the code using various SQL paradigms to come up with a number of composite files that revealed the following pictures. Don’t look at me like that! If the guy on Numb3rs had said all that, you’d believe him. (in fact I’ve seen it happen on both Numb3rs and NCIS, so it totally could be true!)

Anyway, here’s what I found….








And on top of that, she seems to have made friends with all the other critters and now I think she is trying to turn them against me too!

**In case you’re unfamiliar with the term, 4"x2" is pronounced four by two. 

28 Responses

  1. Dear willowtree. A girl’s love is a fickle thing. I actually thought beep was a boy, but now she’s revealed to be as darn smart as she is, there’s no way she could be any other sex than ‘lady’.

  2. I thought it was pronounced faubiytoo. I had trouble with how to phonetically spell it. Maybe I mean faubetoo. Something like that.

  3. The only cat I’ve ever owned was female and she turned evil about two years into our lives together. . . attacking me in the middle of the night, etc. She moved out and things got better.
    I hope things improve with the Beepster. And I hope she never does to you what she’s done to that two-by-four!

  4. LMM – Typical! You all stick together.

    ToBear – It took me a while to realise what you were saying. Phonetically it’s forebeetoo. However if you work in construction they are just called forebuys.

    Sabrina – I was going to put in a note to say that Americans call them two by fours, but then you drive on the wrong side too, so getting the measurements arse-backwards should come as no surprise to anyone.

  5. “…I ran them through as series of reverse iterative algorithms that isolated the extraneous binary code and uncovered secret ASCII characters. I then re-compiled and reverse engineered the code using various SQL paradigms to come up with a number of composite files…”

    MMmmmmmm, geek speak…sexy!

    MMmmmmmm, waxing poetic…sexy again!

    WTH co-opted your blog today?

  6. Omg, I laughed so hard reading this. Every female cat I’ve had has turned psycho at one point or another, despite starting out all sweet and cuddly. Argh.

    My last cat was male – and he was uh-mazing. He used to open the fridge and take what he wanted; steaks, chicken, blocks of cheese – seriously. We had to put a lock on it. He also used to open the bread box, take out a loaf and claw chunks out and eat it – so we had to turn it around to face the wall. He died almost three years ago and we still miss him terribly.

  7. Dang WT, who knew you spoke a language other than Australian? I’m not going to even pretend I understood the geek speak. As a matter of fact I’m still feeling bad about myself due to your computer geek quiz on which I scored 23%. I guess I should just be happy I can turn my computer on.

  8. You are right that my last comment was my first comment and now I’m back to comment again. 🙂 This post cracked me up, I had to read it to my husband and we both sat laughing.

    BTW – After looking at the photos, he said, “That cat’s a girl.” I asked how he knew and he said, “because it’s a calico and all calicos are girls.” I wanted to slap him because his answer should have been, “because I listened intently to every word you said.”

  9. Not *all* calicos (calicoes?) are girls, but it is very rare to have a male calico. There’s a scientific explanation for that which I read and then whittled down to the most basic, necessary information in order to make the best use of my brain’s storage capacity. What is left is: Male calicos are rare. Most calicos are female.

    Awww, WT, you’s a poet and I didn’t even know it. Maybe your mad skills will win Beeper over. Girls like poetry.

  10. are you sure that you were intended to be the butt of her little prank?

    maybe she was trying to discourage the dogs.

    my cat never ever messed with my pc. Now puppy Jake went and set up his own blog. Go figure. Whats the world comming to?

  11. Oh the pussy comments I could make, but I will control myself!

    Hilarious! Love the pictures. She really is a cutie.

  12. (hehe..I was thinking the same thing as Nikki!) My oh my…that cat has you wrapped around her little…um…paw and she knows it!! just look at the seductive over the shoulder lovey-eyes she’s giving you in the last shot!!

  13. I always have to be dyslexic
    th and I say:

    as for the cat…
    don’t blame it on her being a girl….. blame it on her being a cat.

    They just aren’t butt kissers like dogs!!!

  14. okay, this was just down-right funny.
    at least she’s leaving your barbie alone.

  15. Poetry, geek talk, dissing the girl – what’s come over you? I knew it – Aliens.

    But you know what? If I was around all that male testosterone, I would fine myself a 2×4 too (but let’s just say I wouldn’t be chewing on it….there’d be some serious male-butt thrashing going on) hee hee

  16. It gets worse. She’s been in cahoots with my Spike. I’ sure of it. He used to be too fat to be any trouble. Now that we finally got him to lose weight, he won’t stay off the countertops, takes up residence under my feet in the kitchen,then acts offended when he gets stepped on- which is often- and the damn beggar will not shut up.

    They’re planning world domination. Just like in the movie. I’m sure of it.

    Everybody get a(nother) dog! QUICK! The bigger the better!

  17. ya know i didn’t understand a thing you said then i seen the pics and I was like awww poor wt is feelin the jelly bug… hugs to poor little WT…:)

  18. Clearly this is a girl with some good sense.

  19. I’m laughing hysterically and my dogs think I’ve lost it. Those pictures are fabulous!

  20. That was good. Thanks for the laugh! 🙂

    I’m glad I have all boys here, including the pets.

  21. Yup! That’s a cat for you.

    I have two female cats and the both have different personalities; one is friendly and sweet, and the other is a snob and just seem to barely tollerate us humans.

  22. Is Beep trying to enter the poetry challenge?

    She heard that you showed me your tattooed genitals, didn’t she? I bet she is feeling a bit betrayed.

    I don’t blame her.

  23. I like a pet with intelligence! Look how talented and creative she is! I’ve never seen your boys do anything but eat sleep and look adorable! 🙂

    All my pups are girls but, only one horse!

  24. These pictures are great!! Africa (my black cat that you covet) is the only female cat I’ve had that didn’t bite and scratch. She is a real sweetheart.

  25. 2×4 and you are funny.

    Have you always been like this or has it only happend since you moved to the bush?

  26. I have 2 girls. They’ve never been apart a day in their lives. One looks very similar to your Booey. The other started out looking like that and then turned calico. Not sure what really happened there.

    Anyway, we love our 2 girls and wouldn’t trade them for anything. =)

  27. Hi WT, It’s been a while! I’m here reading from Pajamela’s post nominating you. Congratulations, it IS a perfect post.

    Beep is gorgeous. Women. You know we get all lovey dovey and snuggling up on your chest at first , until we’ve got our claws into you. After that, it’s all about buying us new wicker beds and toys.

    Speaking of which, I think I need a new 4×2 too. 😉 She needs some jewelry WT, a nice pretty new collar. A girl’s gotta have bling, ya know. 😀

  28. mwaaaaaahahahahahahaha… that’s hysterical!
    isn’t it just like a cat to be able to look down their noses even when they’re looking up at you!

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