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Willow’s Big Bus Ride pt 3

Since Daddy D likes to get things in order, here’s the way you should read this…if you haven’t already,  you first need to read Willow’s Big Bus Ride Part 1 (including the link), followed by Willow’s Big Bus Ride Part 2.

Long distance bus trips are a bit like being teleported back to highschool. It has all the same ingredients: the cool kids, the smelly kids, the loners, the transient kids, the territorial issues, the seniority hierarchy, the inadequate toilet facilities, the uncomfortable seats, the mind numbing boredom and most importantly, the bad food.

When the trip starts, everyone is pretty much on the same level, it’s first come first served as far as seating goes. But as the trip progresses the dynamics change to the point where the longer you’ve been on the bus, the better your seat. And just like in highschool, the best seats are at the back. The crown jewel of seats is that four seater at the very back, you claim that baby and you’re sleeping sound! Of course the downside is that it’s right next to the toilet so your sleep may not be as sound as you thought it would be, particularly if there’s a few chain-smoking insomniacs on the bus. Or even worse, some bean eaters or vegetarians.

For the first few hours I was sitting by myself towards the back, and had been pretty lucky so far with no-one deciding to sit with me at any of the stops we made. Speaking of which, after about a hundred stops in the first few hours I was beginning to wonder if I’d ever actually get to SF! It turns out, that you had to have a ticket booked or the bus doesn’t stop, so it was a pretty erratic stopping pattern that eventually settled down towards the middle of the continent, somewhere around Louisiana.

When the bus stopped at Baton Rouge, this rather attractive woman got on. I decided that sitting with her wouldn’t be worse than sitting alone and would in fact be better than sitting with some fat smelly person. So as she approached me, I gave her my best "hey, I’m not only a good looking single guy living an exciting life, but I’ve also got this really cool accent" look. Tragically my hopes were dashed when she returned a "wow, you really are good looking, but unfortunately I’m a lesbian" look. It took almost a day to sort that misunderstanding out.

On one of the many break stops, we ended up standing together having a coffee and a cigarette. Surprisingly we got on really well considering she was a lesbian, so we spent the rest of the trip and a night in Phoenix together. It turns out that she mistook my expression for "hey baby, come sit near me, I haven’t been this close to a girl since before the restraining orders". Meanwhile I had totally misread her "stay away from me you creep or I’ll mace you" look. I know this because we had a good laugh about it once we worked out what had happened.

There were a few hard core travellers who were going most if not all of the way, but there were also those who seemed to get on in the middle of nowhere, and then get off a few hours later, again in the middle of nowhere. But one night there was an unscheduled stop that was pretty scary, there were these two black guys who got on somewhere in the middle of the middle of nowhere around 11pm, and after about an hour started getting a bit noisy. Now this didn’t really bother me too much as I had the lounge seat at the back and they were towards the front, but they seemed to be getting louder, when suddenly the bus just stopped and the driver went back to them and made them get off the bus. At first I thought he was really brave confronting these guys, that was until I saw the gun that he was pointing at them. And in case you’re wondering, it wasn’t racially motivated because the driver was a black guy too.

Stay tuned for more adventures in Willow’s Big Bus Trip, possibly even of a romantic nature.

22 Responses

  1. I would like to strongly object to my being ousted from your “My Blog Friends” list and stuck in the “Blogs That Don’t Read Me” list.

    It’s not fair, WT. It’s not fair.

    Not accurate, either, you Aussie butthead.

    I still like you though. You just remember that when I die in a fiery accident tomorrow.

  2. I loved your story! I’m ready for the “romantic” twist.

  3. Ree – Ha ha! I was wondering how long it would take to get a reaction from you. It only took 2 weeks which is sooner than I had expected. Since it was less than the 2 months I was anticipating, I’ll reinstate you 😉

  4. Yay! Thank you, my friend. I was feeling very forlorn

  5. Woohoo, part three!

    Your high school sounds worse than mine. Our toilet facilities were acceptable.

    How nice that you met a friend to share the trip with. Everyone needs a gay friend.

    I still want to buy a bus ticket to anywhere. Now.

    Willow getting romantic, I can’t wait!

  6. Sure glad you cleared that racist bit up WT, don’t want us no trouble here.

  7. Ooooh – eagerly waiting for the romance part.

    (oh my big bus ride – we made a stop in bum-f@#k nowhere Wyoming and these 3 big city Black guys were standing at the bus stop when 2 huge big trucks full of cowboys pulled up – VERY tense moments, I tell you – very tense)

  8. WT romantic? I can’t wait!

  9. It already seems romantic if, as you say, some hard core travelers were going all the way. Can’t wait for the next bit. I am home sick this week so make it nice and long and detailed, to entertain me. Thanks!
    By the way – I just noticed my first name totally rocks because it puts me AT THE TOP OF YOUR BLOG BUDDIES LIST! WOOOOOOO!

  10. A driver that totes heat is a little scary. I await your next sequel.

    I confess that the discussion about Blog Roll status had me checking. Hmmm…

  11. Molly – That was just me and Ree screwing around. You just had me checking..you’re there.

  12. Your comments today are almost as interesting as your post. There must be an award for having three (3), yes, count them, three (3) comments from Ree in one day.
    Romantic? You hooked me with the bait.

  13. I am ready for MORE! 😀

  14. Great story! I can’t wait to hear more. I was actually glad to hear that the pretty lady was a lesbian because I was afraid the story was going to take a different twist and you would find out her name was Lola, L-O-L-A, Lola. I’ve been listening to too much of the classic rock station lately and I can’t get that disturbing little ditty out of my head.

  15. my “ALL ABOUT FARTs” book says that the worst smelling farts are caused by MEAT. Mixed with beans gets you ‘On The Road to Bountiful.” (now that was a bus ride!)

    If you want to counteract the odor, you may eat sweet potato. There is nothing you can to do about the music except pass out ear plugs. OR just pass out.

    Okay.. love the bus ride so far. Ree caught you with your pants down. (Not that the rest of of haven’t seen that, too)

  16. oooh, now this is getting good….tell us more!!

  17. freaky with the gun.. ouch..

    ok im ready for more.

  18. Getting busy on the bus?!?!?!? I knew those 4 seater benches in the back were good for something.

  19. See? lots of fun riding the bus! 🙂 I always ride in the first third of the front..to the middle… in case the back starts smelling. Plus, most troublemakers sit in the back! 😉

  20. I have never been a patient person. I want the romance NOW!

  21. ooo, you’ve written this story, great. enidd still thinks it sounds much more scary than you admit – but she’s a girl.

  22. There’s you there in the back of the bus trying to get your freak on. I wait with baited breath to hear how it went down.

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