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Since you asked

I had every intention of finally breaking the mould today and posting an anecdote so exciting and so well written that you would have been on the edge of your collective seat, or maybe even late for work (how come mould sounds like bold, and would sounds like good, even though there’s only one letter different?).

Anyway, as I was saying before I was phonetically interrupted, today’s post was going to be of such unmatched literary excellence that it should be in a book somewhere. It had everything, you’d laugh, you’d cry, you’d wonder what the hell you were doing reading this crap instead. Well I’ll tell you why you’re reading this crap, experience has taught me that the more effort I put into a post, the fewer comments I get! And seeing as how I’m a comment junkie, I decided that I’m more likely to get comments if I did a whole post about dog meat, since that’s what everyone seemed so interested in yesterday.

Well folks here it is, the thing you’ve all been waiting for, Dog Meat….

Which, under no circumstances, should be confused with People Meat….

I know, I know, you’re all saying "Holy processed meat Fatman, that could be dangerous!" Well in fact, it’s not as bad as it seems. I’ve kinda made the scale of the pictures a bit deceptive for artistic effect, if you look closely you’ll see that the dog meat is 3Kg (or about 6.5lbs) whereas the people meat is only 500g (or 1lb).

There is another way to tell them apart….

As you can see the dog meat has a picture of a dog. That means that it is to be eaten by a dog, unless the writing is not English, then it may mean that it contains dog, in which case you should consult an expert, or possibly a Korean. One of those rolls is ok, because I’ve got Bentley (he’s a beagle), but the other one will have to wait until I get a Labrador. Never mind, they’re in the freezer, so there’s no hurry.

This is what it looks like after I’ve prepared it….

Pretty fancy huh! But wait there’s more,

Next I garnish it with some high protein pellets and plate it up….

But seriously, the main reason I use this stuff instead of canned food it that they don’t fart as much with this, and there’s no cans to get rid of. You can feed a dog dry food only, but the way I see it is that dogs don’t really have all that much going for them in life, so I like to reward their unconditional love with something nice to eat. And they really do appreciate it!

So there you go, wasn’t that better than hearing about me falling of the roof of a three storey building?


30 Responses

  1. Do dogs say “Ark!” in your part of the world? That would be awesome.

    That stuff kind of looks like Braunschweiger. I think you’re being scammed.

  2. Melissa – actually I think it looks more like Fritz

  3. Just don’t get them mixed up if you’re ever making yourself a sanger in the dark…

  4. The dogs meat looks a bit like ‘polony’ now I know why the girls didn’t like it when they were young!!

  5. For a minute I thought I was on Ree’s Cooking Blog, then I realized I was in Australia. My dogs would love to eat at your place. What time is dinner?

  6. Okay, now that we’ve gotten the dog meat out of the way, can I now hear about you falling off of a three storey building? Please?

  7. That certainly IS interesting. I wonder if we can get that in the U.S. I don’t have a dog right now so I guess I won’t worry about it. It does look tasty – in a doggy sort of way.

  8. Adventures in dog meat, what a clever post. Actually, we all seem love whatever you post, clever and exciting anecdotes or the another topic of your choice. I think that your dogs are very well fed. If you did eat the dog food, you would probably be fine. Your dogs look mighty fine. Please do not eat the dog food or fall from three-story buildings as none of us are close enough to rescue you.

  9. Yuck. I think I’m gonna ralph. Both the dog meat and the people meat look kinda gross. Not only that, but now I’m thinking about the possibility that the dog meat is made of dog and that would mean the people meat is made of people. The people meat even has a name–Hans. Oh ick!

    And that is a golden retriever on the other package. Labs have shorter hair.

    We used to have a neighbor that worked for a dog food processing plant. His job was to pick up dead animals and bring them to the factory. He had some lovely stories to tell.

  10. Oh, and if you people (yes, “you people”) would spell mold correctly, it would look like it should rhyme with bold. :oP

  11. HA! and you made fun of me for the elaborate feeding of my dogs. HA!!

    i will never trust you again, Mr. Tree.

  12. I’m with Jenni. Is it an urban legend, or truth? I’ve been told that years ago when the US sent aide to undeveloped countries, it included baby food in jars with a baby on it, giving rise to a persistant rumor that we are cannibals.

    thanks Gerbers.

    (and yep, I cook for my dog, too.)

  13. Lucky dogs! That sausage totally make me very hungry.

  14. Looks like your doggies eat really well. Good for you! 🙂

    Another great post.

  15. Normally I’m a bit of a lurker, but Dog meat!!! Who could possibly resist commenting on that.

  16. That was great! I have never seen anything like that in the states. If I had I’d buy it for my 2 dogs. There is no way I’d feed them that crap in cans. I’ll be waiting for the tale of the 3 story fall!

  17. It’s a week of meat, innit? Dog, long pig, etc…

    If we all promise to leave a comment when you tell us about the three-storey building thing, could you? Was there blood? Broken bones? Or did you fall on a little old lady and her Yorkie so they cushioned the fall?

    p.s. good to see I’m not the only comment whore out there. It’s weird what makes people comment – I really can’t predict it. I try to tell myself that comemnts aren’t the only reason I blog, but let’s get real here… 😉

  18. whats this about you and a three story buildig and falling?

    my lord your pups are spoilt no wonder they always look so happy!!! I thought annie my lab was going to crawl through my puter to get to your pups food…

  19. Okay – so I hope you don’t try to make yourself a meat sandwich in the middle of the night without your glasses on.

    AND – your dogs are SOOOOO spoiled. All my dogs receive is dry food dumped in a bowl…(oh, and all the little tidbits kids drop on the floor)

  20. You scared me a bit at first. I’m not a big fan of eating dogs, even though I am a cat person(currenty have four). But then I remembered about your posse so the scare passed very quickly.

    I remember my mother opening Alpo Beef Stew for our dog when I was a kid and thinking it really looked great (yeah, I may have been a weird kid). I think your dog meat would have kept me from coveting the dogs food.

  21. I was threatened with lynching last night, if I didn’t promise to get up and cook Ree’s cinnamon rolls with my kids today.

    After a long, hard day – cleaning, doing laundry and watering all the outside plants – I eventually settled into getting on with these cinnamon rolls. Once cooked, I finally managed to sit down with a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll — while catching up on my usual blog-reads.

    Gee thanks. I ’bout spewed the roll and coffee all over my screen with the visuals here.

  22. They’re very fortunate dogs!

  23. Dogs don’t have much going for them? Oh, your dogs have it made pretty good.

    Have you ever tried eating the dog meat? Just a little nibble? I know my kids would. Hey, there’s an idea for saving grocery money…

    Could I see the list of ingredients, please? It can’t be much worse than what’s in hot dogs or sandwich meat.

    My poor old pooch just gets dry Purina Dog Chow. And whatever the kids drop, which is plenty.

    Do you use different cutting boards for your meat and your dogs’ meat?

    I’ve never seen mold spelled mould. I thought maybe I’d caught the infallible WT making an error, gasp, and I got all excited, LOL. I had to Google it.

  24. I was accosted by a woman at Farm Fresh giving out free samples of dog meat logs. The sample was only a pound but she assured me that there were 6 lb logs in the fridge section. Little did she know, I have a cat.

  25. Hilarious post! I loved it!

    I have to say, I think I’m mostly fascinated by the fact that you can buy dogfood in rolls like that. I have never seen anything like it. Well, except for the Liverwurst rolls my grandma used to buy, slap on rye bread, and make me gag on. Blech.

    Your dogs are lucky pups, indeed. You are right, the pups don’t have a heck of a lot going for them, they should at least eat well. I think you’ve inspired me to spoil my pups.

  26. one of the best things about moving to america is that enidd can feed stalin and fluffy on raw meat again. and that’s a lot of meat.

    they fart less, but they do get stinkier beards.

  27. I had noticed that you seem able to write NOTHING and still generate a million comments. It’s a gift, I guess.
    Can’t believe the dogs f@rt less with that stuff, it’s amazing …

  28. Swampy – Doggie dinner is at 4:40pm in the winter and 6:00pm in the summer.

    Jen – and anyone else who asks about it, I will tell the three storey story shortly.

    Molly – I was known to try the odd bit of dog food when I was a kid.

    Jenni – You are correct. That is a Golden Retriever, but that’s harder to spell.

    Jenni – Mould is one of the almost 30% of English words with French origins, and despite America’s concerted efforts to eradicate all traces of Norman influence on the language and lower everything to the more crass Saxon etymology, they still remain in use throughout the rest of the world.

    Laurie – You got me! Cutting a slice off a roll is even more involved than buying raw chicken, adding vitamins, processing it with a blender and then packaging them into individual portions and freezing them.

    Hayden – Apparently it’s true, you can check out Snopes.com, it’s pretty good for that sort of thing.

    Rachel – Wanna go out some time? (I’m always on the lookout for a cheap date, and anyone who gets hungry looking at that would definitely eat MacDonald’s)

    Debbie – I thought so.

    Min – I know I couldn’t.

    KT – It’s coming.

    Lene – I just love it when someone says “I just blog for me”. WTF!? I already know all this crap, I write it for you guys!

    Karmyn – While there are some dry foods out there that have been scientifically formulated for good health, the bulk of them can cause kidney damage if that’s all that the dog eats.

    Blue Momma – I used to love the smell of canned dog food when I was a kid. Now, not so much.

    TLG – You’re welcome.

    Kila – Yes indeed! That cutting board is only used for cutting the dog meat, in fact, that knife is only used for cutting dog meat too.

    Robinella – My cats eat the dog meat, but it really doesn’t have enough protein for a healthy cat diet, so I supplement it with cat food occasionally.

    Stepherz – My grandmother use to eat Liverwurst rolls too, I hated the smell of it! But I don’t mind it now, it’s kinda like a poor man’s pate.

    Enidd – Stinkier beards? Is that a euphemism?

    MelinNZ – It’s true, no farts.

  29. Holy shit….I think your dogs eat better than I do. Hmmmm maybe I wouldn’t fart as much if I ate that stuff.

    (Yes, it’s me Nikki- I’ve moved to some new digs! Come stop by!)

  30. I wish my dog food could come in a tube like that. One of our stores packages hamburger that way….

    So if it’s not dogs in the dog food, that means there are no Polish hans in the people food? I’m sure Hans would be relieved.

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