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I’ve finally succumbed.

After some intense peer pressure (Swampy and Melissa) and much ruminating (me), I have finally relented on my "No awarding of Awards" stance. The problem is that all the awards out there at the moment are either just ploys to get traffic, or so lame they would make anything I came up with look clever by comparison.

So, faced with such an imbroglio, I had no alternative but to come up with my own award. Believe it or not, I take this responsibility very seriously and therefore spent some considerable time (must have been close to a minute) trying to come up with a name that would be easy to remember, convey the essence of the award, and possibly go down in the annals of blogging history.

Of course my humility prevented me from calling it anything that was even remotely related to either me or my blog. Ha, bullshit! What else could I call it but "The Dingo"? So look out all you pasty faced awards out there, there’s a new kid on the block!

All those awards out there with their "oh such a wonderful post", and "you are splendiferous" sentiments reeking of mutual admiration are missing the point completely! No-one would blog without comments (except that moron who writes a blog about being a comedian), and don’t try to bullshit me I know you all live for comments.

The Dingo will therefore be awarded to the backbone of the blogosphere, the commenters. It is to be awarded for outstanding commitment to, or above average proficiency in, snarky comments. I’m not sure what a snark actually looks like so I went with a cat instead (catty is close enough to snarky for me).

So much for the background explanations, I’d now like to present the Dingo….


And I’m proud to award this inaugural Dingo to Marnie from "...I didn’t say it was your fault …I said I was going to blame you". Settle down!  I know those of you who have only been reading the Dingo for six months or so will be wondering how come I can award this highly prestigious award for snarky comments to someone who doesn’t even comment on my blog (or anyone else’s for that matter).

The answer is simple, Marnie has imposed a week long ban on the use of ‘Fuck’ on her blog, and I’m interested to see how she handles this! Plus in her day, Marnie was one of the snarkiest commenters around.

It occurred to me that my award may not achieve the respect it so richly deserves. I was perplexed for a while as to why that may be the case, that is until I realised that I had no rules! How stupid, what’s an award without rules? So below are the rules for winning and awarding the Dingo:

  • To qualify for the Dingo, the recipient must either be a bitch, a jerk or a smartarse (or any combination thereof).
  • To award the Dingo to someone, you must first be given the award by me or someone what has previously been awarded this great honour by someone who may or may not have been me. *1
  • If you don’t agree with the previous rule (or if people are just too darn dumb to appreciate your brilliance), you can award the Dingo to yourself.
  • Self awarded Dingo recipients cannot award it to someone else without express written permission from me, which I will not give under any circumstances. *2
  • Self awarded recipients must stop fucking themselves prior to orgasm. *3
  • Do not link back to me, if you feel the need to link, then link to someone who might give a shit. *4
  • Under no circumstances is the award to be altered, altering awards is tacky and disrespectful.
  • If you don’t like how the award looks you can change it.
  • If you are Melissa you cannot win the first award as it was your idea in the first place
  • Always wear clean underwear.

These are the rules and they shall be obeyed, failure to obey these rules will result in unimaginable penalties (no, I’m serious, I can’t imagine any penalties).

  1. Which means you must be a bitch, a jerk or a smartarse.
  2. This rule is pretty flexible.
  3. You’ve already performed self-gratification by awarding it to yourself in the first place.
  4. Unless the person you’re awarding it to has a huge readership and I could get heaps of traffic, then it’s OK to link to me.

36 Responses

  1. enidd likes it. just one thing, shouldn’t the cat image be reversed left to right and a little higher up?

  2. Enidd – You know I think you may have something there!
    My intention is that if you get awarded it more than once, rather than fill up your sidebar with these priceless bits of bling, you simply add more cats.

  3. Hey! Did you borrow that from Jenny? I heard they were handing those out at Blogher, but I didn’t see the feather boa sticking out the end of hers…

  4. With these formidible conditions, all I can say is what my Latin teacher always said, “Semper ubi, sub ubi.”, (unless you choose to go commando.)

  5. when i read this post there were 0 comments and i was thinking that would be an appropriate response for this: no comments.

    so delete this one, willow, and i’ll be doing my part.

  6. wow, my grammy pales in comparison to the dingo award… i can only aspire to be enough of a jerk to achieve such heights

  7. Oh, crap! Hold on!I need to go get clean undies on… ok, I’m good now. I may just need to go out and buy more and keep them here at the desk. Reading you I never know when I will have to put a clean pair on!

  8. Bitch? Check…
    Clean underwear..er…….damn!

  9. Finally, something that I can aspire to.

  10. I will very diligently work on my list of things to do/be in order to win this someday.
    In the meantime, award it to Typepad for shutting everything down.

  11. I am always a bitch. What if you don’t wear underwear?

  12. Fuck off. Ok I didn’t mean that. Count me out I guess.

  13. HELLOOOOO – Must I remind you that I am the ORIGINAL snarky? Remember your OUAB awards (100th post)? Who won Snarkiest Comment? ME! So, if anyone should be getting this award, it should be me.

    (um….on second thought.)

    Love it!

  14. I can see this is going to be a prestigious and much coveted award!!

  15. I’m honored. Really.

    …and also thrilled you finally posted about something other than your pets! Wow. Shocking.

  16. Hmmm…I think I’d prefer my award in the mail.

    And Marnie, maybe that IS one of his pets?

  17. a bitch, a jerk or a smartarse

    well thats me out.

    I’ve been stalked by spammers over the last 4 weeks if only I could give them an award for perseverance or death from above, either one will do. All commenters are cunts, its a well known fact.

  18. I soooo wasn’t gonna comment, you’ve really outdone yourself here…

    …but you used one of my most favorite words in the universe.


    The proper use of that word alone deserves a comment. Avoiding the snark, I do not wanna have to explain THAT to my kids…

    as if……………………

  19. I’m just laughing my head off at Enidd’s comment.
    Willowtree, you’re all class.

  20. Oh, my…

  21. Sayre – No, it’s not Jenny’s, she was using hers and I didn’t want to interrupt her.

    Molly – The commando option would be Nunquam ubi sub ubi

    Laurie – Sorry I don’t delete comments (unless I feel like it).

    Raffi – That’s the beauty of it, it’s an egalitarian award so anyone can win it (not like all those crappy wimmin only awards)(the ambiguity was intended)

    Kaytabug – I always keep a pair on my desk too, they’re great for cleaning the screen. Oh, I’ve found clean ones work best (don’t ask)

    Nikki – You must pay more attention when getting dressed.

    Beckie – If you wore underwear you’d have something to perspire to.

    Swampy – I think I need a special award for you.

    Debbie – Then you’d need to wash your jeans more often than you normally would. Unless you only wear skirts, then you need to keep your knees together when you sit down.

    JoyT – Oh no, you’re definitely in!

    Karmyn – Ah yes, that’s right! Too bad it was called pithy back then or you may have won this one. Never mind, I’m sure you’ll get you chance.

    ChrisB – Or not.

    Marnie – See what I mean! Even her acceptance speach is snarky!!

    Tiff – So you want one too eh?

    Old Knudsen – I’m surprised you have so much trouble with some of your readers, given the high esteem you hold them in.

    Robin – Ha! You’re kidding right? You weren’t going to comment. yeah sure!

  22. Hey Peter, I thought you may have at least asked, before removing stuff from my wardrobe!!

  23. ToB – Yeah that enidd’s a real card isn’t she? (and I’ll deal with her someday too)

    Shades – Nice attempt, but I’m looking for a bit more snark.

    Paul – What’s the big deal? You’ve got heaps of them!

  24. Blahdy hell – I get busy for a bit and barely have time to keep up with my usual daily reads (much less comment as often) and look what I almost missed!

    Then I read Enid’s comment. Made me spew water through my nose. I’m not kidding.

    Reverse the pussy cat left to right and move her up already.

  25. hmm…I think you can work this into two awards…take Enid and TLG’s suggestions and call it the “BlowHard Award”

  26. Well if I can’t have the first award you can just fuck off.

  27. dammit all to hell Wt im feelin left out here. The last several post you have responded to just about everyone BUT ME.

    share the love why don’t ya?

    hey i figured if bitching could get you awards it could get me a return comment…..

  28. Wolfie – It may well get you both!

    I checked back a few posts to see if you are justified in you complaint, and the is no trend that indicates you have been blacklisted. What I found was on one occasion you commented after I’d moved on (you know I’ve got a short attention span), and on another I only responded to one comment anyway.

    As I explained to the last person who asked about how I decided who I would respond to (who, by the way, has never been back since, yes Beth I mean you), my responses are a hit and miss affair.

    There’s no rhyme or reason but comments that give a decent setup or opening, will more often get a response than those that just state a fact. I’m lazy by nature so I prefer most of the work to be done for me.

    Let me know when I’ve responded enough……

  29. I’m going to practice safe comment from now on.

    so, thats the buzz from my blog.

  30. Pamela – If you win my prestigious award, your blog won’t be the only thing that’s buzzing!

  31. What do I know I’m a cunt?

  32. Hey Wolfy,

    Don’t feel all alone now. HE, who shall remain nameless, does it to ME all the time.


  33. OMG it works wooowhooo

  34. Yay, an award I might actually win!

  35. Love the award WT, I’m afraid I’m far too well brought up to qualify for it!

  36. Dayum!! There’s no question I’m a bitch, but I may need to get a private blog now like Jenny. There’s no way I can put that on the Chronicle web site…Even though we do routinely talk about testicles, and lady parts, and horniness, …and we’re definitely all smartarses. But Evil Dwight might draw the line here. Dayum…

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