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WT’s Big Cooking Adventure.

I got a few comments about the dinner I was going to make on Fun Monday, and luckily I got them before I made it so I took pictures.  As you may know, my past attempts at cooking lessons haven’t been all that spectacular, I mean they’re better than Ree’s, but shit, that bar ain’t set too high!

Before we start, I must warn you that there will be lots of technical terminology used here, so you might want to keep a cook book with a decent glossary handy.

Let’s proceed shall we?

Fig A. First get all the shit you’re going to throw into the pot and put it all in one place. This is absolutely essential if you want to take a photo of it before it all becomes food.

Fig B. Next cuberize the chook. This must be done because eating soup with a knife, fork and spoon just looks fucking stupid.

Fig C. Now turn up the volume in the pot until the chook makes a lot of of noise and then add the flavour (that’s the stuff in the bottles) until the house starts to smell nice.

Fig D. While the chook is making noises and smelling nice, small up the vegetables making sure you don’t get any turnip (which was actually a swede) in the picture in case someone complains about it. Those small onion looking goobers are really single clove garlic.

Fig E. When you get tired of smalling vegetables, throw everything in the pot so that the Tumeric can make them all the same colour. Keep the volume on high for a while and then pour in the box of chook juice.

Fig F. Your soup should now look like this. Oh I almost forgot (again), once the juice is in, turn the volume down low (I actually forgot to do this, and when I came back from reading some Fun Monday posts there was soup everywhere!).  Cook for at least one daytime talk show and two sitcom reruns.

Fig G. Eventually it should look like this. I added some mushrooms because they were getting a bit old. It actually tasted pretty good, go figure!

I had planned to take a nice setup photo of the finished product, ie. the soup in a nice plate with a toasted English muffin on the side and a napkin, but by the time I got to that point, I had lost interest in the whole blogging thing and just wanted to eat it.


46 Responses

  1. Dangit. I’m hungry now. And I drooled on my computer. See what you made me do!?

  2. That does look delicious! It was 101F today so I wont be trying to make it anytime soon, though I want to, I will try my best to wait until Fall! Thank you for sharing! It was a great cooking lesson with cussing…it doesn’t get better than that!!!

  3. Despite … well, everything … that looks jolly delicious! It actually looked like it was going to morph into a curry at one point (around Fig.E.) but no, it proceeded to soupiness.
    Seeing the mushrooms finding their way in: My late father-in-law used to say that my m-i-l’s best soups were created when she cleaned out the fridge!

  4. OK now you got my attention here. Looks like good soup and one of my favourite things to make. I love your terminology…you should write a cookbook for redneck men! Question……what the hell is a chook?

  5. LOL, I enjoyed that better than Ree’s lessons.

    Looks good! I’ll try it when our humidity drops below 90%.

    P.S. Double check Fig. E

  6. Caroline, “chook” is Aussiespeak for chicken! It’s new to me too – when we got to NZ 8 months ago, we heard this word ‘cos it’s used here too, and we were flummoxed, to say the least. Check out this site: http://www.famie.com/australia/australianslang2.htm
    for more hilarious Aussie slang …

  7. Kila – I double checked it and I can’t see anything obvious.

  8. Dear willowtree. Looks scrumptious. I love your timing schedule – as a daytime soap and talkshow wathcer (well, not really but could be if I knew Russian), I admire your ingenuity.

  9. so those were garlic —
    the swede looks more like a rutabega now.

    the soup smells wonderful

  10. I’ve never seen garlic like that!

    Soup looks good and I like the sound of the recipe, a much more fun way to cook!

  11. Way to go -WT is becoming a foodie.!! That’s the best cooking lesson I’ve had in a long time 🙂

  12. So that was a swede huh? (Like I know what a swede is, haha.) It looks delicious!

  13. It actually looks delicious and reminds me of a chicken soup I like to make (those were chicken thighs weren’t they?). Tumeric is good stuff. Maybe they could have you be our next Food Network Star? *sigh* It’s way too effing hot here to eat soup right now. Extreme heat and humidity don’t make good companions for soup. I’ll just have to daydream looking at yours. Pity it wouldn’t ship well.

  14. Wow. You have talents I never even imagined!

    And I have a big imagination…

  15. 1) Hmmmm, “…get all the shit you’re going to throw into the pot…”

    Appetizing start…

    2) “This is absolutely essential if you want to take a photo of it before it all becomes food.”

    Sometimes the obvious is hilarious…!

    3) “Cuberizing” and “smalling” meats and veggies…makes perfect sense to me; I see where these highbrow cooking terms raise the bar on blogging cooking lessons….

    4) What’s the long whitish veggie that looks like a carrot?

    5) I have never seen soup served in a PLATE…I sooo wish we had a picture of THAT!

    6) What was wrong with Fig. E.?

  16. Looks yummy-Thanks Melissa for the chook def. I was gonna ask the same thing.

  17. I was just fine until you wrecked it with the mushrooms. I photographed making Banana Nut Muffins yesterday and it took me F.O.R.E.V.E.R. to finish. So, I have a new found respect for posting cooking lessons.
    I think Kila is looking a Fig. E caption and is looking a “smalling vegetables”…not sure, but maybe she thinks you meant “smelling” instead of “chopping”…don’t know for sure, though.

  18. Looks very yummy.

  19. Yummy!

  20. I’m so glad you provided a link explaining “swede”. I hadn’t noticed the lower case “s” and was starting to feel a bit queasy before reading that it was a vegetable. What is an “English muffin”?

  21. It actually looks preety damn good. Now why the hell do you call chicken “chook”…it’s chicken?!

  22. Looks yummy. Except for the mushrooms. Yuck.
    Spilled over is a whole lot better than completely charred.

  23. Not that I would know.

  24. Chook sounds like an ethnic slur. The soup looks good!

  25. Saying “swede” is much nicer than trying to let “rutabaga” roll of the tongue. However, at first I was expecting to encounter some naked blonde bombshell when I clicked on the link.

  26. Yum. You make me hungry. Too bad you’re too far away to share. . .

  27. Great way to do a cooking post! Made me laugh!

  28. damn that looks good

    and the narration?

    cracked me up… love the cooking lesson funn and educational all in one;)

  29. Is cuberize even a word?? I like the descriptions…let it make some noise until the house smells nice!!

  30. I didn’t think smalling was a word (and it isn’t according to Dictionary.com) and that you had meant to write smelling instead.

    Right now, in this freezing cold office, I could go for some hot soup.

  31. That looks wonderful (pardon the drooling).

    I once thought of submitting a recipe to a magazine and decided against it because I use the same highly technical terminology that you do. “Until the kitchen smells yummy” and “cook until it’s done” are common instructions hereabouts…

  32. Now THAT is a recipe even I can make. I never knew I talked technical cooking before now. No wonder I am always so confused when I look at recipes that use ridiculous words like, chop, herbs, stock and simmer. Where did “they” go to culinary school anyway??? Yummy.

  33. Mmm, looks good Willow – what’s next?

  34. Haha, I knew some of your readership would not understand what a chook was.
    I always thought I was a pretty good cook but have never heard of single clove garlic!
    And what was wrong with fig. E? I couldn’t see anything.

  35. Swede is in the turnip family. It tastes milder/similar to turnip. Personally it’s not my fav, but it’s okay in soup.

    That lesson outta the way…

    WT, you topped yourself today. Thanks for the laugh. LMAO some more.

    It kinds reminds me of a curry I make (‘cept I just add some curry powder to what you’ve got going on …and it’s goooood). We top it off with home made fries (curry served over rice — with fresh salad on the side…the salad is made of chopped carrot, tomato and cucumber swimming in lemon juice and salt — oh, and a dollop of yoghurt when I get a little too freaky with the curry powder). I’m not gonna edit my free flow of thoughts coz I’m tired and my fingers are sticky from paint. Figure it out.

  36. Oh and I know what a damn chook is. It’s a chicken. They call ’em that here in Southwest England too. That’s what I’ve taken to calling my kids. I say, ‘C’mon little chookie’…..

  37. Jen – Yes they were thighs, I find them tastier and cheaper than breasts. Plus I’m more of a leg man anyway.

    Stephanie -Whoa, now you’re beginning to scare me!

    Robin – Thank you, you appreciate the details. I’ll show you the type of plate I meant.

    Jenni – An English muffin is what we used to just call a muffin until someone started making what you call a muffin (which is just a big cupcake anyway), then we had to differentiate. It’s like a …mmm, I can’t really describe it. Try googling ‘Egg McMuffin’.

    Nikki – Why do you call a scone a biscuit, it’s a scone!

    Claudia and Kila – I’d be surprised if either cuberizing or smalling were actual words since I made them up while I was writing the post.

    Robinella – Say what? Boy you sure know some funny words.

    ToB – I like the single clove garlic for two reasons, it’s less work and it’s not so garlicky. I have a sneaking suspicion that they aren’t actually garlic, but that’s what the tag says.

  38. TLG – Mmmm that sounds tasty!! Oh yeah, you do know that ‘to top yourself’ is slang for committing suicide don’t you?

  39. I swear that I can smell your soup from here in Indiana, yum.

  40. I did look up chook, but from the context and the pictures, I was thinking chicken.

  41. I’m quite sure I’ve never, ever, laughed while having a cooking lesson,,,until today. Great job!

    Thanks for coming by to visit my southern blog, come back soon and sit a spell.

  42. Hey, I really do know what an English muffin is. I thought you all called them crumpets or something. Or are those a little different. This is more what I was thinking of: http://youtube.com/watch?v=HMzk79WIXcM
    But you knew that didn’t you?

    Now what is this about scones and biscuits? Are scones and biscuits really the same thing? Because I’ve had both and they don’t seem quite the same to me. Biscuits seem lighter and fluffer and usually pretty plain. The scones I’ve had are denser and usually flavored, but maybe there are some like our American biscuits? All I know is that I cannot find clotted cream anywhere and it makes me very, very sad. But not sad enough to top myself. (Is that seriously what that means?)

  43. Love it! Bet it tasted good, too! I’ll think of this when I’m smalling some veggies later today for a salad. 😉

  44. I just finished putting mine in the pot. My son said, “stop cooking, Mom, you’re making my mouth water.” 🙂

  45. WT- yeh yeh, blah blah blah. It can mean other things too. lol

    Jenni in KS – you can make clotted cream yourself. It’s easy;). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clotted_cream
    The crusty bit that forms on the top is the yummiest…mmmmm.

    Scones and biscuits are exactly the same thing. Of course, there are various recipes on both sides of the pond. Hence, the lighter and denser variations. Some people are just crap cooks. Ya know;).

    English muffins are indeed different to crumpets. (crumpets are tastier imo).
    Have a look (both links have photos).

  46. Oh, yummy, WT!!! That looks delicious right now.

    And I love your use of the word “shit” during the cooking lesson. Very avant garde.

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