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When Hari met Kiri

I know some of you read the Dingo in the morning, so for those of you who aren’t fully awake yet, I’ll take a moment to explain the title. Always one to see how convoluted I can get, and how many meanings I can squeeze into the same few words, the title of this post is a combination of the name of the movie starring Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal, as well as a Japanese term for voluntarily ending your life. Are you with me? No? Then pay attention, because this is about when I met MDW*.

(Oh, and Tiger Lamb Girl, it will be serialised so you may want to come back in a few days, unless you just want to come here to take the quiz (which may prove to be even more frustrating than having to read a serial if recent comments are any indication)). Wow nested parentheses, how very mathematical.

Why would I write this story in detail right now, especially since I have already written briefly about it in the past? Simple, I just noticed that Ree is writing a serialised account of how she met Marlboro Man, and she got 250 comments on the latest instalment alone! So I figure if she can get 250 with the Mills & Boon version (not my words incidentally, I got that from one of her commenters), I should be able to get at least 25 with my Hemingway like treatment of my story, humility alone should be worth some kudos.

Let’s face it, her stuff is ok but really, do we need all the sweet sentiment and girlie emotion? Not to mention all the unnecessary stuff, like adjectives and adverbs and descriptive phrase and…mmm… such like (thank you Miss South Carolina, I was momentarily lost for words). And don’t even get me started on all that punctuation crap she uses, what a waste of time!  No, I’m going for the guy’s approach, clear concise and to the point, just like when Julius Caesar uttered those immortal words "Veni, vidi, vici" to sum up the situation completely when he finally got the recipe for his salad dressing just right.

And just like Mr Caesar, my whole story can be summed up in a simple statement of fact,  "We met, we screwed, we married", unless of course you’re one of those who are opposed to pre-marital sex, in which case it’s "We met, we married, I got screwed".  I was going to translate it into Latin for you but it was too much trouble, plus I think they must have used something else instead of screwing to describe fornication back in the old Roman Empire days because I had a hell of a time finding screwing in the Latin English dictionary.


So starting tomorrow, tune in for the full story behind how I managed to get myself hooked by a scheming, desperate, aging spinster. Jeez I hope she’s not reading this!

PS. I have a confession to make. Yesterday’s problem of losing the post, while starting out life as small glitch with TP, was really my fault. Had I been paying attention to what I was doing, and had I not been trying to be quite so clever (you should have seen all the formatting in the original post), I wouldn’t have lost anything. But hey, come on, hands up those who have never blamed their screw up on the technology. The worst day on TypePad is still better than the best day on Blogger.


45 Responses

  1. FIRST, and if don’t be misled by MELISSA, she truly deserves the DINGO!

  2. L’chaim!

    Also, VOTE MARK.

    Also, I finally posted. You’re welcome.

  3. ALSO, unlike Mark I will comment on the content of your post and say…I think YDW is a beauty. I’m not sure what she saw in you.

  4. Also, and PS: 😉

  5. Can’t wait to read the rest of the LOVE story.

    Oh – and I voted for someone whose name starts with M.

  6. Oh, my favorite movie!

    If DW sees your post, you’re in big trouble.

    I can’t wait ’til tomorrow to read the long version. It’ll be a long wait. It’s 1:21am here. Guess I should go to bed, eh?

  7. Mark – You seem to be amassing quite a following. I’ve never seen such a clear leader in the polls. But if I could offer you a piece of advice about comenting, next time try English, that’s what most of us here use.

    Melissa – You were doing fine until you tried your hand at a compliment. Now you’re right back in the running.

    Karmyn – Love story? Which blog are you reading?

    Kila – Go to bed.

  8. Oooooooo, I thought this was about BASEBALL…!

    (nice set up, Willow 🙂 (and kudos on the nested parenthesis, you know how I love me some convoluted punctuation)).

  9. I voted for an M as well!

    I thought you just gave us the whole story ‘we met, we screwed, we married’. You’re not allowed to wrap it up in pink fluffy words.

  10. Your wife is beautiful, and I’m sure you already know you lucked out. If you don’t, I hope she beats you with that award you’re giving out.

    And I’ll be back to read the rest.

  11. somebody got 250 comment? who the hell has time to read 250 comments? i’m happy with my paltry fewer-than-100, heck, fewer-than-50, ok, seriously fewer-than-30 daily allotment of comments. happy, i tell you!

    those shoes of yours give me flashbacks, WT. and didn’t anyone ever tell you that serious occasions call for putting on a tie??

  12. 1. Your wife is beautiful.
    2. Very nice wedding photo. I’m guessing mid to late 70s?
    3. I hate romance novels, but I’m enjoying Ree’s serial. I like all those adjectives she uses to describe her Marlboro Man.
    4. I almost look forward to your story except that you said it would be a Hemingway treatment. I may not be back for several days. Hemingway sucks.
    5. Ooh, wait a minute. Something tells me you could do Hemingway very well–all that macho posturing and bullshit. It might actually be quite funny to read.
    6. If you want to make it really good, give it a Steinbeck treatment instead. Ever noticed how Steinbeck puts sex into everything? Even descriptions of the land and a man’s relationship to/feeling toward it. Crazy stuff, but skillfully done–unlike Hemingway:oP
    7. That’s all I’ve got. Now I’m going to try logging in for the trivia thing again.
    8. First I’m going to grab some coffee.

  13. That trivia deal should say “permanently unavailable”.

  14. Jenni – It’s up to you whether you read it or not. I don’t get it with the trivia link, I just went there now and had no trouble.

  15. Laurie – Those shoes are cowboy boots. Why do I need to wear a tie? Because it’s convention? That’s exactly why I didn’t wear one.

  16. Wha? Compliment? I would never stoop that low. You must’ve read wrong.

  17. Oh YDW is Gorgeous!!! I really thought “We met, we screwed, we married” was the whole story too! Looking fwd to more! Such a tease you are!

  18. Your DW is gorgeous – how’d you ever manage to land her? 😉

    OK, spill. This serializing is hell for those of us who have a slight patience issue. Y’know – the “instant gratification isn’t fast enough” kinda thing…

  19. Melissa totally should get the dingo, because apparently she can crochet toilet paper covers like nobody’s business.

    Your poor wife. I can’t wait to hear the rest of the story.

  20. Melissa, I didn’t comment last night because really, there’s nothing to comment on. Look at this post. It’s a prequel to a serial. He’s simply telling us he’s going to write posts about meeting, screwing, and marrying his wife. What is that? I don’t even know how to class that one in our WT post counting system. This may be a whole new area.

  21. once again – sometimes the written word can’t duly express the correct tone.

    When I wrote “love” – I was saying ” LoOoOoOoOoVe”

  22. Holy shit WT she’s beatiful, not that i thought you could less then beatiful but really.

    looking forward to the rest of the storY:)

  23. Willow, your wife is a lovely, radiant woman. For her sake, I hope my instincts are correct and you really are just a big teddy bear in disguise. It’s either that or she can kick some really serious ass and you’re scared of her. Yeah. Maybe that’s it.

  24. Oh I’m a sucker for a romantic novel or novel romance!! You scrubbed up quite nicely and your DW made a beautiful bride.

  25. Hey, I think I’m your 25th comment. What do I get??

  26. I’ve been trying to take the effing quiz, but there is no effing link displayed under ‘WT’s Daily Trivia’.

    Another damn serial!?!? Are you serious?
    I finally get some time to myself – to you know – relax, ignore my incessant licker-air-humping dog – sans kids – and THIS is what I get? Another flipping serial (Ree’s…now this!)?

    I haven’t read it yet, except for the first paragraph. Then I stopped myself. [Thank you for the warning.] Then I scrolled down to the comments to say the trivia-quiz link was missing.

    On my way down, though? I noticed you had the good sense to smile wryly with your mouth shut in your wedding photo (sans the what’s-up-doc mug).

    I’ll be sure to keep an eye out for the CONCLUSION-to-the-story title in the feed – then read it all.

    I’ll try again later for the quiz though.

  27. Yes, you are finally writing about you and your lovely bride. I am so excited. Actually, I am excited that you explained that MDW stands for MyDearWife. I have been imagining all sorts of other meanings. By the way, she looks very pretty for a scheming, desperate, aging spinster. And, Peter you make a rather handsome groom .

  28. Cute picture! I can’t wait to hear the rest of the story.

  29. Mark. You’re so right.

    I think the correct classification is:

    “A post that tries to hook readers by promising content, while delivering none. With optional photo to add to the illusion of content. (Now with more self-promotion.)”

  30. Melissa, that’s perfect. We’ll count this as 1 of many to come.

  31. WT your wife is beautiful. You should consider yourself very lucky!!

  32. Hemingway!! Snort … Bet this spirals down into a penny-dreadful-bodice-ripper …

  33. I must say you have started out with your Hemingway connection with at least one thing in common


  34. Hey DubYaT…I’m sitting at the Reno Airport waiting to receive clearance to liftoff on my broom and wanted to thank you in advance for the instructions on my post. Will probably have to IM you for more help.
    Will be home and plan to “ketchup” on your posts this week, so I can stay in the loop.
    A bit disappointed that you weren’t wearing a pirate hat in the pic. Hans has several if you ever want to borrow any. I know you have some of your own. I’ve seen them.

  35. no, not because it’s a convention. silly willowtree. you weren’t at a convetion. you were at a WEDDING.

  36. I’m thinking that this could be interesting. Do we get her story later so we can compare versions?

  37. I forgot mention that I love the title. I did not even notice that you were not wearing a tie until I read the comments. Sheesh, what do the folks expect; you were wearing a suit. Besides with the open shirt, we can see the manly chest hair.

  38. Yeh, we can see the manly chest hair, but it’s framed by some wickedly evil lapels ready for take-off.

  39. TLG, don’t you just love the 70’s.

  40. Your wife was very beautiful. I noticed the “I got screwed” part. Hmmm.

  41. Such lookers. Grrrowl!

  42. Yes, YDW is quite lovely, but do I really have to comment? It’s late and I’m really tired.

  43. yeah… she is pretty enough to encourage 44 comments.

    You wouldn’t have needed to throw in the extra stuff. Just post her picture.

  44. hey, wt, so many comments will go to your head. so enidd won’t post one.

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