• Hi There.

  • WT’s Trivia

  • They said what???

  • Really Fresh Dingo

    Powered by FeedBurner

    Subscribe in Bloglines

    Subscribe in NewsGator Online

  • Almost Fresh Dingo

  • Not so Fresh Dingo

  • Smelly Old Dingo

  • Bentley

  • Buddy

  • Booey

  • Buzz

  • Belle

  • Beau

  • Advertisements

If I were a rich man.

(See Jen, I can do lyrics too.)

It seems like ages since I’ve been tagged (not quite as long a since I last had sex, but it’s close), I think it has something to do with me not doing them when I do get tagged. However this meme is from Karmyn, and I’d hate to disappoint her, although I can’t help but think I’m about to.

As near as I can figure, it’s what I’d do if I had a shit load of money. I think the other reason I don’t get tagged much is that I never read what the meme is, actually I got tagged again yesterday, and I did read that one, but I’ve still got no idea what it’s about, but that’s for another day.

Anyway on to the meme. This is actually pretty hard for me because I honestly never think about what I’d do if I won the lottery as I never buy tickets, nor do I bet on horses or anything else for than matter. When I was a kid I used to dream about being well off, but the truth is I actually am fairly well off, and all the things I dreamt about when I was young, I either accomplished or owned at one time or another.

That said, here’s what I’d do if I had an obscene amount of money.

1. End World Hunger.
Sort of, I think it would cost too much to actually end world hunger (or at least more than I’d pay)  so I would just pay lobbyists to have the laws changed so that TV commercials showing poor starving people were banned. Then I’d take the top level executives from the World Bank and the IMF to court on charges of usury. I would then seize their assets and use them to retire the debts owed by third world countries (do you realise that interest on loans from these sharks often exceeds the country’s GDP?)

2. Create Global Harmony.
This one is really quite easy. I’d just buy all the Macs in existence and put them in one of those car crushing thingys. That way no one would argue about which system is the best any more. Why would I destroy the Macs rather than the PCs? Easy, Mac owners are so fucking smug, I’d get the added bonus of knowing I pissed them off.

3. Improve International Culture.
First I’d buy the ABC and fire the numbskull who gave Grey’s Anatomy the green light. Then I’d sell it and buy Fox and then eighty six the fucktard who cancelled Arrested Development. Then I’d sell Fox and buy Sanyo, LG, Sony, Apple and any other company that makes stereo equipment like radios and CDs and MP3s etc and redesign all the audio equipment so that it was incapable of receiving Rap.

4. Eliminate unwanted annoyances.
To achieve this, I’d simply employ an army of contract assassins to kill anyone who answers a cell phone in a restaurant.

5. A few small things for me.
I’d build moderate dwellings (no more than 30 rooms, excluding the movie theatres, games rooms and indoor swimming pools) in Santorini, Monterey and Cape Tribulation so that I could spend half the year in Europe, half the year in North America and half the year in Oz. I’d have really neat cars and boats and jet planes at each house, and I’d pay movies stars to come and get drunk with me.

6. Improve myself.
With heaps of moolah, my thirst for knowledge could finally be quenched. I’d buy a real good book that explains how the fuck fractions work (see #5 for the reason this is necessary), hell I’d get me one of them books on grammer two, then I’d not only be a good talker but a good writer as well.

7. Change my Image.
Any money that was leftover after I accomplished numbers 1-6 would be spent on a massive advertising camapaign encompassing TV, Radio and the print media with the sole purpose of educating the world to the fact that old guys (especially bald, fat ones) are really very attractive.

So there you have it, mostly altruistic goals I know, but that’s just the kind of guy I yam.


Bonus Post.

Since I missed a post while I was on the Coast, here’s a little something extra for you. The regularly scheduled drivel will be posted later today, I think it will be Karmyn’s meme.

For those of you with boys – enjoy, for the rest, be thankful…

Please click here.

Update** Melissa (the one in NZ) just made a good point, the link is safe for work.