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It’s 3:15am as I write this, and I don’t actually have insomnia. What I have, is two stupid dogs who think it’s funny to escape just as I’m leaving to go to dinner at a neighbouring farm (funny story, I’ll write it in the morning when I’m awake). They still weren’t back when I got home at around 10:30pm, so I went to bed.

About 1:00am Bentley showed up but he was all wet and I was pissed at him so I didn’t let him in, then at about 2:45am Belle showed up and nearly broke the door down letting me know she was back. She was wet too, but I let her in and dried her off, in the meantime Bentley had taken off again. If anyone wants a set of matching dogs, please let me know (I’m keeping the pug).

It’s now 9:30am and I’ve been up for a couple of hours reading blogs and whatnot. I don’t know what time Bentley came home but he was here when I got up around 6:30.

So, about some confusion I caused in one of yesterday’s posts… In what has become an increasingly rare occurrence since that crazy bitch came into my life (I’m serious, Belle is definitely a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic!), I was snoozing at around 8:30am (yesterday morning) when the phone rang. Having a phone on the bedside table doesn’t mean anything when you’re interrupted while visiting your REM friends, plus I don’t like that phone much, so I jumped out of bed and grabbed the phone in the computer room (my favourite phone), fuck! I forgot that it’s plugged into the computer outlet board and I haven’t fired up the computer yet. I did a passable impersonation of a pinball machine as I bounced of the walls on either side of the hallway as I lumbered towards the kitchen to grab the other cordless phone.

"Hello" I said. When I worked, I would always answer my work phone with my name and department, but at home, ‘hello’ is all I say. Those who know me recognise the greeting, those who don’t have no idea who they’re talking to. The response was "Hello, Peter? This is ‘blahblah garblegarble’, can you hold on for a minute?"

W-T-F?!?! And here’s how come I now believe that when you’re drowning you see your life flash before you, because in the split second between when the caller asked me to hold and when I replied I thought "What the Fuck? You called me! And you want me to hold! Fuck off!! But wait, she said my first name and identified herself, and those are two things direct marketers don’t do so they must know me. Yeah, but they still probably want something from me anyway."

Having completed my internal discussion and come to a decision, I politely yet firmly replied "Well, no" and hung up. Since I was up now, I decided to crank up the beast and see who loved me. As I was reading emails and blogs the phone rang again, but this time I was prepared and let it go to the machine. About thirty minutes later, curiosity got the better of me (I would normally just delete it without listening) and I played the message…"Hello, Peter? This is ‘now I could understand her‘ and I was wondering if you’d like to come over for dinner tonight?"

Oh fuck! I could have handled that better! It was the lady from two farms away (they have some stuff stored in my shed, so every now and then they give me meat or invite me to dinner so I don’t throw all their stuff out on the street). The thing is, she has a speech defect, and unless you’re really paying attention, she can be pretty hard to understand. What had happened, was just as I answered the phone here husband came in and asked her for something.

Sorry, I just realised that this does nothing to clear up the confusion I caused yesterday. You see, because I got a dinner invite I just assumed it was Saturday, because that’s when people inviter people to dinner.  Not working, and being woken up the way I was didn’t help much either. So that’s why I said "I’ll see you on Monday (my time)", at the bottom of my post, for as you all know, I don’t post on Sunday’s. Oh, and I didn’t think it was Saturday for just a little while, I thought it was Saturday until Melissa sent me an email explain her comment (at around 3:30pm my time). I think this must be an all time record for the most numeric time references in any one post!

Now that we’re back on track, make sure you come back tomorrow if you want to see what’s inside these boxes. For all those bloggers out there who go out of their way to be polite and supportive to their fellow bloggers and get nothing, this is really going to piss you off!! And to anyone that has never received a gift from a fellow blogger, tough shit.

Ha ha ha ha!