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Insomnia

It’s 3:15am as I write this, and I don’t actually have insomnia. What I have, is two stupid dogs who think it’s funny to escape just as I’m leaving to go to dinner at a neighbouring farm (funny story, I’ll write it in the morning when I’m awake). They still weren’t back when I got home at around 10:30pm, so I went to bed.

About 1:00am Bentley showed up but he was all wet and I was pissed at him so I didn’t let him in, then at about 2:45am Belle showed up and nearly broke the door down letting me know she was back. She was wet too, but I let her in and dried her off, in the meantime Bentley had taken off again. If anyone wants a set of matching dogs, please let me know (I’m keeping the pug).

It’s now 9:30am and I’ve been up for a couple of hours reading blogs and whatnot. I don’t know what time Bentley came home but he was here when I got up around 6:30.

So, about some confusion I caused in one of yesterday’s posts… In what has become an increasingly rare occurrence since that crazy bitch came into my life (I’m serious, Belle is definitely a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic!), I was snoozing at around 8:30am (yesterday morning) when the phone rang. Having a phone on the bedside table doesn’t mean anything when you’re interrupted while visiting your REM friends, plus I don’t like that phone much, so I jumped out of bed and grabbed the phone in the computer room (my favourite phone), fuck! I forgot that it’s plugged into the computer outlet board and I haven’t fired up the computer yet. I did a passable impersonation of a pinball machine as I bounced of the walls on either side of the hallway as I lumbered towards the kitchen to grab the other cordless phone.

"Hello" I said. When I worked, I would always answer my work phone with my name and department, but at home, ‘hello’ is all I say. Those who know me recognise the greeting, those who don’t have no idea who they’re talking to. The response was "Hello, Peter? This is ‘blahblah garblegarble’, can you hold on for a minute?"

W-T-F?!?! And here’s how come I now believe that when you’re drowning you see your life flash before you, because in the split second between when the caller asked me to hold and when I replied I thought "What the Fuck? You called me! And you want me to hold! Fuck off!! But wait, she said my first name and identified herself, and those are two things direct marketers don’t do so they must know me. Yeah, but they still probably want something from me anyway."

Having completed my internal discussion and come to a decision, I politely yet firmly replied "Well, no" and hung up. Since I was up now, I decided to crank up the beast and see who loved me. As I was reading emails and blogs the phone rang again, but this time I was prepared and let it go to the machine. About thirty minutes later, curiosity got the better of me (I would normally just delete it without listening) and I played the message…"Hello, Peter? This is ‘now I could understand her‘ and I was wondering if you’d like to come over for dinner tonight?"

Oh fuck! I could have handled that better! It was the lady from two farms away (they have some stuff stored in my shed, so every now and then they give me meat or invite me to dinner so I don’t throw all their stuff out on the street). The thing is, she has a speech defect, and unless you’re really paying attention, she can be pretty hard to understand. What had happened, was just as I answered the phone here husband came in and asked her for something.

Sorry, I just realised that this does nothing to clear up the confusion I caused yesterday. You see, because I got a dinner invite I just assumed it was Saturday, because that’s when people inviter people to dinner.  Not working, and being woken up the way I was didn’t help much either. So that’s why I said "I’ll see you on Monday (my time)", at the bottom of my post, for as you all know, I don’t post on Sunday’s. Oh, and I didn’t think it was Saturday for just a little while, I thought it was Saturday until Melissa sent me an email explain her comment (at around 3:30pm my time). I think this must be an all time record for the most numeric time references in any one post!

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Now that we’re back on track, make sure you come back tomorrow if you want to see what’s inside these boxes. For all those bloggers out there who go out of their way to be polite and supportive to their fellow bloggers and get nothing, this is really going to piss you off!! And to anyone that has never received a gift from a fellow blogger, tough shit.

Ha ha ha ha!

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31 Responses

  1. I wish I could forget what day it is.

    Are people sending you stuff again….?

  2. About the dog… We once had a beagle. Lovely dog. Charming dog. Very affectionate and funny dog. Thick as a plank, though – maybe it’s the breed? Anyway, Nootka’s stupidity seemed even more stupid when compared to the mini poodle we also had, who was smarter than most people.

    p.s. the pinball image was priceless.

  3. quarantine documents! jesus, i hope nobody sent you a fourth dog. you can’t handle the three you have.

    (how’s belle’s foot, anyway? and don’t you sort of panic when she runs off now, after what happened last time?)

    i am very partial to dogs that are a few sandwiches short of a picnic, or whatever you said.

    and i hate being awakened by the phone.

  4. That was definately your most confusing post yet.

    Did you have a good nap later?

    Keep having nights like that for 5 1/2 years, and you’ll be as nutty as I am! 😉

  5. Beckie – It would seem so (although it’s more a case of still rather than again). Not knowing what day it is, is not all that it’s cracked up to be.

    Lene – Beagles and Poodles are on opposite ends of the ‘Smart’ scale. Beagles do one thing and they do it well, but being able to distinguish over a 1000 different smells doesn’t really can’t really be used for very much.

    Laurie – No, it seems it was something for the dogs not actually another dog.

    Belle’s foot would be a lot better if she didn’t run around thorn infested paddocks for 12 hours at a time.

    Kila – You were confused??? How do you think I felt?

  6. Sounds like a nutty day.

    I read that “see you Monday” comment, and I figured you were just going away somewhere.

  7. Something for the dogs. Now I can’t wait to find out what it is. (I still think there’s a subliminal message here somewhere.)

    I was wondering about Belle’s foot, too. You just have no control over those dogs, do you?

  8. Now I just want to call you at odd hours, pretend I’m an Aussie inviting you to dinner (using a speech impediment) just to see if you stumble on furniture or utter an obscenity.

  9. Holy carp – I’m away a day or so and all hell breaks loose. I’m not gonna bother commenting on the last two posts. I’ll just say it all here..

    Day before yesterday’s post:

    Buddy’s face says it all. And? He looks like my granddad —– I just figured that out. And thought I’d share that with you.

    Yesterday’s post:
    I wasn’t around…so typepad didn’t prevent me from sending blog love. I was painting and finishing off the tiling (I’m finished now…photos coming very soon!).

    Today:
    Omg, lmao. I HATE when the phones rings while I’m sleeping. I need coffee to talk coherently. This isn’t due to a past filled with too much wacky baccy — it’s due to having the brain cells sucked outta me by two fetuses extactly 15 yrs ago and again 10.75 years ago. You? Must be the baccy, lol.

    I was thinking about sending you something. What would you like?

  10. TLG – World Peace, and maps for South Africans.

  11. Im with you on the phone thing. I would have hung up to and not answered the next call. Can’t wait to see whats in those boxes. It better not be my Fudge from Melissa. I told her NOT to send it to your place.

  12. I hope tomorrow is easier – not better, necessarily – but easier!

  13. Karisma, your fudge is quite safe (I think!) …

    But WT, what is it about you that makes everyone want to send you prezzies all the time? Are there subliminal messages in the doggie clips? S-e-e-e-nd me-e-e-e f-u-u-udge …

    Looking forward to tomorrow’s edition of “Wot’s in the Box?”

    And, “Maps for South Africans”? Bwahahahahaha!

  14. You jumped all over the place in this post. It was tough to keep up.

  15. I’m lost as usual especially since your time references don’t mean anything to me half way around the world.

    Oh well, glad we get to hear from you a few more times. ooo ooo, off to play the trivia bitch. are you sending me subliminal messages in all that time mumbo jumbo?

  16. Robinella – All times are Zulu. And from what I hear, 3:00am in Australia is pretty much the same as 3:00am in the States, both are three hours after midnight.

  17. Methinks you is a bit confused…time for a holiday I’d say!!

    Lets hope you have a nice dinner and you can explain your way out of the phone conversation.

  18. Like Robinella, I am totally lost on the time thing. It’s 12:40 a.m. here which is way past my bed time and way too close to my waking up time and though it seems like tonight it’s really tomorrow morning but I have no clue what time it is there. No, wait. I checked the clock at the top of your page, but it is still past my bedtime and so I am only slightly less confused.

    To bed, then, though thanks to you I’ll probably have that “Crazy Bitch” song stuck in my head. Okay, thanks to you for the reference to your dog and to my 15yodd who I found has it on her iPod. Ugh. I hate it and I suppose that makes me a huge frickin’ hypocrite which makes me hate it even more.

    Pssst! Say goodnight Jenni.
    Goodnight Jenni.
    But maybe I’ll just do that trivia thing first.

  19. I bet the next package you send off will have a mixed beagle breed in it.

  20. Bloody hell…I’m busy for a few days and I miss all the excitement? I hate when that happens!!

  21. I’m writing this at just about 1:00am my time and I see by your clock it’s just about 7:00pm where you are. Very cool! And oops on the hanging up of your neighbour. I bet supper will be good though and she’ll forgive you. I swear reading your posts with Bentley and Belle sounds a lot like me with my teenagers sometimes. Damn kids and dogs. What would we do without them to drive us insane.

  22. Woah! The joys of living on a large block and the dogs can roam! Gagh!

    Hope the dinner goes well for you all. Nothing quite a worse feeling than making a goose of yourself on the phone sometimes, huh? Whups!

    Cyalayta
    Mal 🙂

  23. I thought the post was pretty clear, in fact I just re-read it and it’s not hard to understand at all.

    The first two paragraphs were written after I had come back from having the dinner I was invited to. The dogs ran away as I was leaving to go for that dinner.

    The third paragraph sets the scene for the post proper, it was written the morning after the diner. The rest of the post explains why I said “see you on Monday” in the post I wrote before this one (actually before the PSA) . Sheesh!

    And TypePad is really pissing me off!!!

  24. I think I got the gist of all that!! You know how to leave us with a cliff hanger…to keep us coming back.. not that we wouldn’t anyway!

  25. oh now my feelings are hurt!! i have never received a gift from a fellow blogger. who do i have to suck up to so I can get one???

  26. I routinely forget what day it is because I don’t work regular hours like most people do. My “work” days are Tuesday and Thursdays and until I get on one side or the other of those days, every day is just a day.

  27. All I can say is, huh?

  28. I would probably be a tad envious of your prezzies in the mail, but I just opened a nice check that came in the mail today. Money is always the right colour and the right size.

  29. Well, you’ve done it. You’ve outconfused me. I give.

    I mean I get what you’re saying. And that’s why I’m worried.

  30. I’ve annoyed people in the past by answering the phone when asleep then agreeing to go to lunch and having no memory of it later, so of course I didn’t turn up.

  31. I have a little travel alarm clock that tells me the day and date…it helps avoid this kind of confusion. I hate being awakened by the phone and am not always coherent or nice either. Your pictures are very cute…both the cat and the dogs. My dog knows better than to keep me up (or wake me up) but the upstairs neighbors have company who seem to think getting up at 5am is normal…my own insomnia curse. I hope their house is finished soon so I can get some sleep. I’d send you one of these great little clocks, but I’m poor and it seems you have too many boxes already! You’ll have to track it down on Amazon yourself!!!

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