It occurred to me that despite my firm belief that the entire universe idolises me and hangs on my every word. And even though I’m convinced that anyone who has ever turned on a computer has searched my archives exhaustively in a desperate attempt to absorb everything I’ve ever written about me, I grudgingly accept that they may be one or two people in world (specially those who come her via my Twitter or Plurk pages) who don’t know the backstory.
So here it is…
Me and MDW (My Dear Wife) have a really happy marriage, this is largely due to the fact that just on five years ago we realised we’d be even happier if we lived in separate houses. So I looked on the Interwebs and found a place that was not only a long way away from her, but was also a long way away from civilisation. Well not civilisation exactly, but it is a long way away from the nearest neighbour.
The idea was for me to have a retreat far away from the hordes of children that had begun inundating our quiet little cul-de-sac over a period of about six months. This happened because all the kids who used to live there finally grew up and moved away, but then their damn parents all sold up and the next generation of annoying little noise-makers began arriving en masse. It’s one thing to have a child born every now and then, that’s fine , you get to know them as they grow and develop into people. It’s another thing entirely to have six of the eight houses in the street sold within a six month period with each new family consisting of at least four children between the ages of 4 and 10! Plus there were a few born in the ensuing months.
In case you don’t have a clear mental picture, imagine in excess of twenty four lawless, obnoxious, screaming midgets waging a terror campaign on the unsuspecting inhabitants of the two unsold houses in the street. There was a genuine turf war going on, as it seemed that the only places that were off limits to them were their own yards.
So rather than listen to me carry on like a dorkchop© about all the miniature terrorists running around making a nuisance of themselves, MDW decided to let me buy a house somewhere away from it all (especially her). You see, none of this particularly bothered her because she is a career woman who works long hours during the week and spends the weekend networking, so she never had to deal with any of it. On the other hand, I not only dislike loud children, but also work, which meant I was at home all day. I should really say that apart from two of the kids who will end up (and probably already are) in juvenile detention, the rest of them were really great kids who I got on very well with. I never played with them or anything, but I would talk to them occasionally.
Anyway, the idea was for me to have a place where I could get away from it all, and initially that’s how it worked, I’d come up here for a week or so at a time, then I’d go back for a few days. But after only a couple of months, I decided since I got away from it all, I might as well stay away form it. The result is that I’ve only been back there three times in the past five years **. But it’s not like we don’t see each other, MDW uses the place for her retreat, but I don’t think she’d come here as much if I didn’t have the dogs!
** When I wrote this post I had no idea that I would be audited (see Kaytabug’s comments for details), I just went with the figure that seemed about right (which turned out to be wildly inaccurate). However as KTB (hmm, that sounds like KGB) quite rightly points out, it was much more than that, so here are the amended figures (as marked on my calendars)
Since November 2003, I have been to the Coast 24 times (wow, I didn’t realise it was that many), spending a total of 57 nights there. In the past year (Aug 2007 – Jul 2008*) I have been there 5 times for a total of 13 nights. I haven’t calculated MDW’s trips up here, but it’s probably about the same. Wow I feel much better now. I do have the actual breakdown by month, but I’ll be fucked if I’m going to that much trouble.
* I had to put the asterisk in because apparently 8 next to ) gives 8)