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A brief recap.

It occurred to me that despite my firm belief that the entire universe idolises me and hangs on my every word. And even though I’m convinced that anyone who has ever turned on a computer has searched my archives exhaustively in a desperate attempt to absorb everything I’ve ever written about me, I grudgingly accept that they may be one or two people in world (specially those who come her via my Twitter or Plurk pages) who don’t know the backstory.

So here it is…

Me and MDW (My Dear Wife) have a really happy marriage, this is largely due to the fact that just on five years ago we realised we’d be even happier if we lived in separate houses. So I looked on the Interwebs and found a place that was not only a long way away from her, but was also a long way away from civilisation. Well not civilisation exactly, but it is a long way away from the nearest neighbour.

The idea was for me to have a retreat far away from the hordes of children that had begun inundating our quiet little cul-de-sac over a period of about six months. This happened because all the kids who used to live there finally grew up and moved away, but then their damn parents all sold up and the next generation of annoying little noise-makers began arriving en masse. It’s one thing to have a child born every now and then, that’s fine , you get to know them as they grow and develop into people. It’s another thing entirely to have six of the eight houses in the street sold within a six month period with each new family consisting of at least four children between the ages of 4 and 10! Plus there were a few born in the ensuing months.

In case you don’t have a clear mental picture, imagine in excess of twenty four lawless, obnoxious, screaming midgets waging a terror campaign on the unsuspecting inhabitants of the two unsold houses in the street. There was a genuine turf war going on, as it seemed that the only places that were off limits to them were their own yards.

So rather than listen to me carry on like a dorkchop© about all the miniature terrorists running around making a nuisance of themselves, MDW decided to let me buy a house somewhere away from it all (especially her). You see, none of this particularly bothered her because she is a career woman who works long hours during the week and spends the weekend networking, so she never had to deal with any of it. On the other hand, I not only dislike loud children, but also work, which meant I was at home all day. I should really say that apart from two of the kids who will end up (and probably already are) in juvenile detention, the rest of them were really great kids who I got on very well with. I never played with them or anything, but I would talk to them occasionally.

Anyway, the idea was for me to have a place where I could get away from it all, and initially that’s how it worked, I’d come up here for a week or so at a time, then I’d go back for a few days. But after only a couple of months, I decided since I got away from it all, I might as well stay away form it.  The result is that I’ve only been back there three times in the past five years **. But it’s not like we don’t see each other, MDW uses the place for her retreat, but I don’t think she’d come here as much if I didn’t have the dogs!

** When I wrote this post I had no idea that I would be audited (see Kaytabug’s comments for details), I just went with the figure that seemed about right (which turned out to be wildly inaccurate). However as KTB (hmm, that sounds like KGB) quite rightly points out, it was much more than that, so here are the amended figures (as marked on my calendars)

Since November 2003, I have been to the Coast 24 times (wow, I didn’t realise it was that many), spending a total of 57 nights there.  In the past year (Aug 2007 – Jul 2008*) I have been there 5 times for a total of 13 nights.  I haven’t calculated MDW’s trips up here, but it’s probably about the same. Wow I feel much better now. I do have the actual breakdown by month, but I’ll be fucked if I’m going to that much trouble.

* I had to put the asterisk in because apparently 8 next to )  gives 8)

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31 Responses

  1. love ur animals, they look like real sweeties!

  2. I call Bullcrap! You have been there more than 3 times in the past 5 years! I can count at least 3 in the 1 year I have been hanging on your every fucking word! 😉

    I love that you referred to yourself as a dorkchop!
    So my visions of you being this awesome Grandpa my kids never had is shattered. 😦

  3. I’m charging you $5 for the use of Dorkchop©

  4. Kaytabug – You are right, I just know that after the initial period where I went back and forth pretty regularly, I slowed down quite a bit. The petrol went up so much that I think twice about doing it. Even so I can’t remember more than a few time in the last few years.

    Actually, kids love me (seriously).

  5. I think I read before that you and MDW have been married for something like 27 years now. Perhaps more married couples should live apart and maybe the divorce rate would go down.

  6. Joy – It’s 28 years this November. And I agree that in a lot of cases it would help the marriage, although it’s best if you don’t have kids, or at least wait until they move out.

    Hey, you’ve had your share of separation so you know what it’s like. (in case you don’t know her, Joy gets separated because of her husband’s work commitments )

  7. I just read your comment on Marnie’s blog … aaaargh!

    I like the uniqueness of your little life-arrangement, it’s cool that it works for you both. I think I’ve seen that aerial photo of your place before, but in case I didn’t mention it then, I think it looks like a patch of paradise. Very nice.

  8. This is taking the separate bedrooms one stage further! I wonder if Embee would agree to this I might manage to keep the house tidier~ I know he won’t change ( we’ve been married over 30 yrs)!

  9. If it works for you guys, that’s the main thing. Sounds good to me.

    i bet you know that stretch of road back and forth like the back of your [edit]? lol.

    Stay warm.

    Cyalayta
    Mal 🙂

  10. best line:

    I never played with then or anything, but I would talk to them occasionally.

    that’s you in a nutshell, WT.

  11. I am a bit shocked. As a fairly new reader I had no idea you were married. I did read about the trips to the coast, but it never seemed clear to me why you were going except maybe to get away, perhaps I was not paying atttention :-). Thanks for the back story.

  12. You know? I’m not here that often, but I never realized your wife wasn’t with you & the animals.

  13. I’m glad Kaytabug helped to clear that up because I was thinking the same thing!

    Dh and his dad did a driveway job for a couple that had houses next door to each other. They would eat together and spend time together in one or the other house and then each would go home to their own little space. They seemed to have a very good marriage.

    My grandparents had separate bedrooms for years. The only reasons I can think of are because a) she was Catholic and they already had 9 kids, a fact which wouldn’t have mattered after a while; b) he was blind and grumpy; and c) she was a total biotch. That one is not such a happy tale and they did eventually go to separate houses while remaining married.

    The other couple I know of who had separate bedrooms was due to sleep issues. We shared a house with their son who is our age for a while when we were first married. One night we all fell asleep in the living room while watching a movie. I woke up and started to go upstairs and saw him sitting straight up Indian style, eyes wide open but still fast asleep. Scared the crap out of me. Apparently all the men in the family did the same kind of things. I think I would have had to have a separate bedroom, too. They had a very happy marriage, BTW.

    I don’t know why I felt compelled to tell you all about these other people! I’m glad you and YDW have found an arrangement which makes you both happy.

    Too bad you live so far away. I would love to send my kids over to drive you crazy. Oh, wait, they only do that to me. They’re very nice to other people and that would just suck all the fun out of it.

  14. Thanks for the info about the kids. I do hang on your every word.

  15. Uh oh. Does this mean you’ve changed your mind about my kids coming and spending the summer with you?

  16. Will you at least take Dee Dee?

  17. I think that’s such a great idea. My notion of the perfect relationship is each person having their own place. I’m sure I’d be much less leery of dating is this was the norm. Not that I care much about what otehr people think, but it’s hard to find someone who won’t look at you as if you’re strange when you say this. Once, when I held forth – likely at great length – about seperate domiciles, a friend asked me “but where’s the commitment?” and I sighed and then held forth at even greater length about how commitment isn’t dependent on cohabitation. Don’t get me started. Good on yer for making it work and for being actual proof that is *can* work.

    p.s. Is that your place from the air? What are you flying in? See how I help you with identifying blogfodder?!
    p.p.s. I need another pet porn post. Video would be good.
    p.p.p.s. Me? Demanding? Never!

  18. How dare you use Dorkchop© without asking me first?

  19. Huh? Did you say something?

    I think you should periodically re-tell the story. It becomes more amusing every time.

  20. Sounds like you were describing my house! All those screaming midgets!

  21. I understand perfectly!! My husband and I have the same exact setup. Works for us!! More people should try it….I agree with Joy. The divorce rate would probably go down!! I truly enjoy being here with my dogs and my husband does the driving back and forth!!

  22. That’s all very interesting, but thanks for pointing out the bit about wordpress not liking to close the bracket after an 8 ‘cos wp thinks it’s a smiley face.

    I’m glad I’m not the only one with such serious problems.

    I think children should leave home once they start talking back.

    adioso

  23. Dude, that first sentence needs some work. 😉

    You know I’ve been trying to convince my DH that we need separate households.

    What does YDW do for her career?

  24. I knew the backstory, but I enjoyed the post anyway.

    My kids would drive you nuts. That’s what’s wrong with me.

  25. I enjoyed reading your post even though I knew most of the story. It gets better each time you tell about YDW and your housing arrangement. Besides I am a shameless Dingo groupie that hangs on your every word.

  26. I thought archive reading was mandatory for a new blog reader? It would be confusing to come in half way through a story 🙂

  27. Gee I’ve been trying to convince my husband to go and live in another house for months. (Although he’s not really my “dear” husband so probably a little different to your setup.)

  28. Just 6 words and a – WT, “not interested then- not interested now” seriously though, if you ever find this system is “too much” you could try different States (I know this one works) or even countries.

  29. I love reading your writing. Thank you.

  30. You forgot to mention about that life-like doll you wrote about forever ago. I tried to google it, but I either got posts about your Barbie or very scary things.

    And….ah….yes…I remember the good old days when I used to read every single backpost. Kinda miss ’em in fact, lol.

  31. I knew the back story but enjoyed it. My kid would make you crazy but he would LOVE all your “pup pups” (can you believe he’s talking??!!). Trying to stop by more often. ..

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