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This post started life as a private email to a good blogbuddy of mine (who shall remain nameless because she mostly posts porn, and I don’t want my sophisticated and virtuous readers being shocked by following a link to the smut that she often posts). But then, while I was collecting my thoughts, I realised that this was such a riveting subject, that I’m certain the whole world would be engrossed with what I’m about to reveal.


Okay, I had no intention of doing that graffiti until I went to get the photo and realised even my sparkling prose wasn’t going to save this dog, I therefore employed my dazzling artistic skillz too.

Moving on…this whole post was prompted by this…

This is not my doing, it was sent to me by the porn poster I mentioned earlier, I don’t destroy things in the kitchen, that’s MDW’s hobby. It all started when I saw a post about the breakfast MiNZ made her hubby for father’s day, which included poached eggs. I innocently asked if she used a microwave, and the above picture was her response. This is not the first time that I’ve told someone about using a microwave to poach eggs, so in case there are others of you out there who belong to the “what the fuck!? you can cook eggs in a microwave?” club, this is for you.

Here’s how it used to be done…

This is a ‘little old lady’ egg poacher (I’m serious, it was my grandmother’s and she was both little and old), and apart form the inherent restriction of only being able do one egg at a time, leaving you with half an English muffin that is empty, there its the other hassle of the time it takes. By the time the egg cooks, it’s lunchtime, and that’s a different meal altogether.

So this is how us tech savvy people make our poached eggs (Eat your heart out Ree!)…

So, having prepared the eggs, we know place them in the zapper for one minute…

I swear I didn’t clean my microwave for the photo, that’s how I maintain it. Anyway, after a minute, this is what you get…

Piece of piss! (I included the link for you so that I don’t get an silly questions.)

Coincidentally, I was talking to Ree earlier to-day, and she tells me that she’s writing a cookbook, and that it’s a lot of work. Phoeey! I could knock one up in a day, two if I did something besides poached eggs.


31 Responses

  1. OOH, you meant poaching as in cooking not raiding the squires hen-house in the dawn hours.

  2. Ummm! I think Ree can feel safe in her cook book adventures! (No matter how much we try none of us could compare with a Ree recipe post!) Eggs are disgusting no matter how you cook them and in the microwave is really just disgusting! (You might as well eat plastic dear!)

    Zak(Dinoboy not to be confused with Dingobarbie for the plurkers) would beg to differ he cooks his regularly in there, much to my disgust! (He is not allowed to use the stove, he sets off the fire alarm too much! Which by the way everyone else seems to ignore! WE are all going down with the ship!) His cooking adventures consist of eggs in the microwave and two minute noodles! Gross, gross and double gross! His mama is most affronted.

  3. i’ve never tried it the microwave way.

    i use a small frying pan and set the water to simmer, and the slide in the eggs. they cook while the bread toasts. when the toast pops up, the eggs are done. or so my mamma taught me.

    sometimes i give ’em an extra 30 seconds. you know, long enough to butter the bread.

    i don’t know much about plastic, but isn’t it dangerous to eat stuff that’s been microwaved in plastic?

  4. I’m a scrambled egg kind of a girl.

  5. I used to scramble eggs in the microwave for my children when they were little. Easy and so quick. I’m a traditional kind of girl when it comes to poached eggs, though. I have a little old lady egg poacher, but mine does four eggs at a time.

    I’m surprised, really surprised, that those eggs became eyes and not boobs.

  6. I prefer to fry mine over medium in bacon grease. The bacon grease adds flavor and gets the edges deliciously crispy. Of course they must be served with grits, and not the instant kind.

  7. I too have a little old lady poacher-well I am an old lady but not little LOL
    however I can successfully poach eggs in just a pan -not that I have done it recently~ must give it ago and see if I still have the knack!

  8. I’m a scrambler, myself. Your clean microwave doesn’t surprise me a bit; neither does my dirty computer screen that made your small appliance look slightly tainted.

    And, am I mistaken or did you just say you’re able to impregnate cookbooks???

  9. I love that I learned a new saying!! That is so much more fun to say than easy as pie! I can’t wait to say it now!

    I’m with Kaycie, surprised that they didn’t become boobs or someone mooning us!!

    I like fried eggs in bacon grease like Jenni, and scrambled cuz most days I’m too lazy to fry my eggs!!

  10. I am going to try poached eggs. Look healthier than fried.

    every morning I make fried eggs for the husband and son. Most mornings the son says, “Mom thank you this is EGGSACTLY as I wanted them!”


  11. You see, my mum and dad had a 3 egg poaching pan eah with little individual compartments. We were so hi tech. The microwave one is pretty cool though, and the art work is fabulous. \i bet if you stuck it in some formaldehyde you could make millions.

  12. “Smut”?? “Porn”???

    Sheesh. That’s the last time I show you my appliances.

    Richard is however very pleased that his (failed) attempt to boil eggs without the hassle of a pot is now world-famous!

    You should still write a cookbook though. “A Dingo’s Got My Barbeque” or something along those lines.

  13. I guess in my future e-mails to you, I should include some porn, huh?

    Eggs? Gag me. They come from a bird’s butt.

    I guess Ree better look out…here’s comes DubYaT with his cooking posts.

    I’m off to see if I can blow up some eggs in the microwave.

  14. I’ve yet to perfect poaching eggs in a microwave, although I think I’m vectoring in on the right cooking time. I had a friend who had a non-stick, 4 egg poacher that fit a regular sauce pan…I think he had the right idea! He poached eggs ALL THE TIME!!! But I’m lazy and poor, so I’ll stick with my microwave egg poacher and do the best I can. I SHOULD be eating eggs tonight…but the left over pizza sounds better!!!

  15. Jeepers, ya mean there is some other dingbat who poaches eggs in plastiky microwavey thingos? The trick, of course, is spearing them with the tines of a fork. Makes sure that they’re really dead, and seems to prevent inadvertent explosions.. and that’s no yolk.

  16. The part of this post that really pulled me to attention was that you talk to Ree? How on earth does that happen when she has like a billion commenters a day? You must have a special place in her heart.

  17. Amazing how you talk to all these people, yet never answer my emails. Sniff. Guess I’m just not special enough. Sniff sniff. Or, come to think of it, don’t send you porn. Right. I’ll get on that right away!

    Are eggs porn? Maybe exploding eggs are. For chickens, maybe.

    p.s. don’t mind me, the ragweed allergies have clearly messed with my brain.

  18. I think eating food cooked in plastic in a microwave may be our generation’s answer to absinthe. Genius must have it’s better living through chemicals of some sort, you know?

    My grandson had a doll when he was little whose name was Ed Zachary. Thanks for the reminder.

  19. I blew up eggs while hard boiling. I forgot the pan of boiling water and eggs on the stove. The water boiled away; the eggs exploded and blew the lid off the pan. As you might imagine, this was a mess. The exploded eggs did not smell good.

  20. Your microwave impressed me! And hey, the man can cook!! Personally, I cook eggs in the microwave all the time…it’s faster! And, I’m not much of a cook…

  21. I think I may be the last person on earth who has
    no microwave…It’s okay as I prefer scambled eggs anyway. Thanks Willow tree for this insightful and witty
    cooking instruction, Ree better watch out :-).

  22. haha I’ve got one of those wizz-bang microwave egg poachers too! So easy…as you said – piece of piss! 😉

  23. hi!

    I think I may be the last person on earth who has
    no pc!


    A Dingo’s Got My Barbeque? I’ll take 2!

  24. Wanna come clean my microwave?

    Nope, I didn’t know you could cook eggs in the microwave. Not sure about your thingy, though–warming up plastic in the microwave is a bit hazardous to your health!

  25. Gosh, why did you tell everyone about the porn?

  26. I have never eaten a poached egg!! I only do scrambled!!
    Several Christmas’s ago, my son bought me the Magic Pancake Maker (As Seen on TV!!!) He was 7 or 8 at the time and thought it was the most amazing thing he had ever seen!! I filled it with pancake batter, and when I flipped it, the batter oozed out. Then I tried to fry an egg. It looks so easy on the commercial. However, when I flipped it, the egg slithered out and fell on the dog. This is why I scramble eggs!!

  27. They taste better when you do them the old fashioned way. I don’t eat egg whites though so I cut them off and only eat the yolk no matter how I cook ’em!
    Been on holidays here – 2 weeks sailing round the whitsundays – and am relieved to see things are much the same here on my return. 🙂

  28. by the way, i liked your use of the word “maintain.” as in “that’s how i maintain” the microwave.

    it’s such a guy word.

    it’s not wussy to clean your microwave if you’re really maintaining it.

  29. I DO love the pic you sent Peter!!! Thank you!!! LOVE it!

  30. IDK. I’m still doing it the old way. Just don’t trust that plastic.

  31. Soooo…. what happened to the black microwave? Did your friend try the microwave technique using the metal cookware, or what?

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