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Finally it’s over!

"Thank God he’s finally gotten tired of those food posts!" I hear you all exclaim with relief. Shit! I was tired of them four days ago, but I opened my big mouth and said I would post all week, and I’m an idiot of my word.

So now you’ve all seen how utterly, wonderfully delicious and brimming with wholesome goodness this family of magical black spreads are. And of course Vegemite, being an Aussie icon, stands head and shoulders above the rest  (except in the picture below, d’oh). Having been the backbone of the Aussie diet since, well a long time that’s for sure, and staying true to a time honored taste formula with more vitamins and minerals than you can poke a stick at, how can it get any better than this?

Seriously, I’m not waxing lyrical and that’s not a rhetorical question. I’m asking, "How can it get any better?" There are prizes if you guess (or even know) the answer I’m looking for.

And now to finally finish off the Fabulous Food Fiesta, here’s a few more pictures…

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To prove that I really am non-discriminatory and do actually eat all of them, here’s one of my pictures. These are all out of my cupboard. I get tons of Marmite for free from a friend who works where they make it.

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Ah, Coon cheese, there’s no better accompaniment for Vegemite (or cabanosi, or gherkins or pickled onions either, for that matter). And you cannot have cheese and tomato on a SAO without Coon cheese (or without a tomato for that matter).

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These are the eggs I like to use when I make poached eggs on Vegemite toast. This carton was an unusual one, as every egg in it was a double yolker. Must be all that free ranging.

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I’ll just leave you with some salmonella lobster on a slice of bread…y-u-u-m-m-m-i-e!

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Vegemite but I won’t.

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Before I start, I just want to make it clear that most of these photos are not mine. I tried to takes some of Vegemite Worms but they just didn’t come out how I wanted them so I let Google do the work for me. If you own any of these photos and are unhappy about them being here  (I don’t make any money out of this), contact me and I’ll remove them, otherwise, thank you very much.

Flag_veg_1First off, I think we (the Aussies) are getting a bum rap over this whole Vegemite thing, after all it was the Pommies that invented nasty black salty spread in the first place. We just turned it into our national dish and featured it in a song. A little known fact was that ours was originally called Parwill, it’s a clever play on words but I’ll leave you to figure it out.

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The real culprit for spreading salty black goo across the globe, and on your toast is actually Marmite.  The round one is the English jar, the one on the left is ours. I know there’ll be some people out there that will claim that we came up with the idea, but they are the same people who claim the Bee Gees and Split Enz are both Aussie bands.

Promite_1 If that isn’t confusing enough for you, I’d now like to introduce you to Promite. This black spread differs from the other two black spreads (hard to believe but true) as it is a vegetable extract rather than a yeast extract (yes, I see the irony that one of the yeast extracts is called Vegemite).

To be completely  honest, I prefer Promite, followed by Marmite and lastly Vegemite, yeah I know, treason! So what can you do with this nectar of the gods? Well, just let me show you (looks like you mostly spread it on stuff)…

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  • A. Standard Veggie on toast (breakfast of champions).
  • B. Cheese and Veggie Swirls (you buy them like this).
  • C. The Pommies love this one. (if they’re not eating fried bread).
  • D. Cheese, lettuce and Vegemite (a lunchtime favourite).
  • E. Under poached eggs (my personal favourite, they skimped a bit here).
  • F. This is an Aussie brekkie. (Snags, eggs tomato and bacon)
  • G. On fresh bread (standard kids school lunch).
  • H. On Jatz crackers (the photo appears to be Ritz)

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That’s a small collage of Vegemite in action, but of course there’s more to it than that, for example this girl on the right knows that the ‘mite is way ahead of pheromones when it comes to attracting men. Just a touch here and a dab there and you’re made in the shade. You can tell she’s an Aussie girl, because it obvious she’s used to dealing with us blokes, hence the arrow pointing to the action.

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If you’ve ever tried it and really didn’t like it, you’re not alone. Here in Oz we’ve figured out the trick to get used to eating this crap is to start early. Hopefully this little cutie will be a doctor or a lawyer or a teacher rather than a Vegemite model.

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So here are a few links that you may find interesting:
The Vegemite Home Page.
What Wikipedia has to say.
A funny site that has a fascination for food experiments.
Simple Instructions for Use. 
Some Nostalgia for the Aussies.

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And now one last photo for the Texafornians. I can’t say for sure, but I think this may be Jenny’s co-star in the scam than ended up with Melissa having to drink a pitcher of Beergaritas. Sorry there’s no ‘linky love’ but I’ve wasted too much time putzing around on the internet already to go looking for the right page.

Well that’s about it for the Great Grocery Extravaganza, don’t forget to make sure you are on the list for Fun Monday if you want to participate. It’s in the Sidebar.

You must be crackers!

I’m getting bored (and lazy) so this is just going to be a photo collage, but seeing as I said I’d post groceries all week (what a fuckwitt) I’ll start with one but then it will be a mixed bag.

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The one on the left is the kangaroo and kookaburra pie that I’ll be bringing next week when Jenny and I get together for pie (it’s not really, it’s just a meat pie but I don’t want to crush her fantasy). And on the right (thanks Robin) we have the serviettes that she’ll need while she barfs. And that’s why we call them serviettes and not napkins, even barfing is classy when you do it into a serviette!

Oh, and in case you haven’t figured it out yet, Black and Gold isn’t actually a brand as such, it’s the no-name equivalent for IGA stores (the A is for Australia, otherwise it’s the same as in the States).

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Sailing boats. Have you ever wondered where sailboats come from? Well this is you lucky day because I know the answer, and better still, I’m going to let you in  on it too.

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You are among the select few who have ever been given the opportunity to get a glimpse of a sailboat farm. This is next years crop , and it seems to be coming along just nicely.

Sorry this was such a lame post, but I feel pretty lame today.

**Update: Damn! Damn! Damn! Somehow I managed to leave out the photo that is refered to in the title, so here it is…

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Some of these will feature in tomorrow’s post.

Got Milk?

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We have lots of milk products here, you can get it in practically any form you like, except fresh. For instance, the picture on the left has Devondale long life milk, Dairy Farmers long life milk, Nestles sweetened Condensed milk, Bear Brand Evaporated milk, Carnation Creamy Evaporated milk, Allen’s Milko Chews and Black & Gold Milk Bottles (the last two are  lollies), oh and of course there’s Dairy Farmers actual milk at the back.

I left out all the powdered milks because frankly I didn’t want to buy any, at least all of this stuff I’ll be able to use eventually.

While we’re talking about milk, what about Mother’s milk, I can’t say that I’m all that keen on the taste, but I do love the packaging. But this is not about mother’s milk, in fact I’d like to express my feelings on a different kind of milk (I just couldn’t resist that pun, sorry). I’m mean Plutonium milk, milk that has been so severely irradiated that you need to wear a Hazmat suit to drink it.

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Yep I’m talking about UHT (or Ultra High Temperature) milk, that godsend for all those people who have neither a fridge nor a full set of working taste buds. I can’t remember if you guys have it or not, but even if you did it wouldn’t be too popular on account of it tasting more like bovine urine than bovine baby formula.

Just have a look at the ‘Best Before’ date (notice it’s not even a Use By date, which means that you can still use it next Christmas), and that’s if you just keep it in a cupboard, not even a fridge.  I’m telling you, this shit glows in the dark! In fairness however, I must say that is the best milk to use for cappuccinos because it really does froth well.

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Now, what about these guys, evaporated milk? Excuse me? What exactly does that mean? Did someone leave it out in the sun until it all dried up and then scraped it in to a can? I honestly don’t know, but what I do know is that unlike the UHT milk (which doesn’t taste the best but can be drunk straight), this crap will kill you of you try to drink it. You can use it in coffee, but I don’t even like that.

Looks like Nestles has cornered the market on artificial milk. When I was growing up these actually used to be separate companies and there was no Nestles in sight, they just made chocolate back then.

Coming to the end of the milk look-alikes we have Sweetened Condensed milk, this comes in cans too but I prefer the tube, because if it’s in a can, once you open it you have to use it all or it turns into plumbers putty. I kid you not, but squeezing this onto toast used to be my favourite breakfast treat when I as younger (MDW almost barfs if she sees me do it now). If this looks like yesterday’s random grocery item that’s because they are cousins, this is Coffee and Milk, hold the Coffee…

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And last and most definitely least, the lollies (candy to some of you)….

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I can’t say for sure, but I have a suspicion that once all the other milk impersonators have been on the shelf for over 10 years and can no longer be sold, they are processed even more to come up with these sickly sweet, gooey delights.

Now while I think of it, cancel all your plans for Friday (your Thursday), because that’s when I’ll be doing the granddaddy of all weird food items, that black, salty, velvety yeast extract we all know and love, yep stay tuned for the Vegemite chronicles.

Let’s lay the foundation

I assume everyone has heard about Vegemite, so we won’t do him yet. But think about this, you’ve got a jar of that nasty black stuff, what do you do with it?  You put it on Australia’s national symbol, the SAO biscuit, that’s what.

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This little baby should be in the Aussie Icons Hall of Fame, yet no bastard seems to know about it except us! As a savoury dish topped with cheese and tomato (or Vegemite), it’s the backbone of our great institution – the ‘Afternoon Tea’, and it can even create a decent  ‘Devonshire Tea‘ as a sweet delight when topped with jam and cream (obviously you should use scones, but I’m talking about the bachelor’s version). Then of course there’s that quintessential Australian treat, the vanilla slice. You really should click that link, it’s a recipe.

Aren’t you just sick and tired of all that false advertising or packaging that have pictures that bear absolutely no resemblance to the product inside. You know what I’m talking about, just look at any frozen dinner and you’ll see what I mean. But the SAO is different, for example this is a packet of cheese and tomato SAOs and this is what you get….

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Hahaha! I’m kidding! That’s what I had for lunch today.

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Now, for a change of pace, let’s look at something Little Miss Moi mentioned in her comments, Peck’s Anchovette paste. Foreigners carry on about Vegemite and how salty it is, well this shit makes Vegemite taste like strawberry jam. I had to go and buy this because I never eat it, I like the Salmonella Lobster myself. There is not a Baby Boomer in Oz who hasn’t been scared for life by the inclusion of a Peck’s Paste sandwich in their lunch box.100_2046

Moving, on…the one on the right is a jar of beetroot. There are two things I learned about beetroot while I was living in America: it’s the quickest way to tell the difference between an Aussie hamburger and a Yankie one(ours has it, yours doesn’t), and they actually do come in a form other than sliced and swimming in vinegar (I also discovered that both asparagus and spaghetti didn’t always come in cans too).  And now for a bit of fun (for me anyway) click on the link to see them side-by-side.

I’m such a kidder. Stay tuned for even more grocery posts after FunMonday!