…Because we all know that the blogosphere desperately needs another lame award.
Recently I’ve been flagged, tagged and double bagged. I’ve gotten an award, an honourable mention, and even been invited to do a meme (which I don’t do these days, unless they are either ridiculously easy or easily ridiculous). So all this got me thinking, “Hey why don’t I give out an award?” which isn’t necessarily an original thought, given that I’ve created not one, but two different awards in the past.
As I’ve been thinking of rejoining the blogosphere lately, what better way to end my hernia (huh? that doesn’t sound right…oh shit, I meant hiatus), than to create an award, not just any award, but possibly the best and most coveted award ever seen on the interwebs.
However, as those of you who are bloggers already know, there are usually a few simple rules you need to follow when you are given an award, and this once in a lifetime honour is no different, so I’ll just list them here first in an effort to build excitement:
- Take a copy of the award and post it in your sidebar (preferably in front of all the other meaningless crap you already have there).
- Write a post about how thrilled you are to be awarded this great honour, and link back to me at least three times within the post.
- Repeat step 2 every Friday for the next three months.
- Take out an ad in your local newspaper informing everyone of (a) your great fortune in being awarded this prestigious gong, and (b) my URL.
- Name your next born child after me. If you are barren, or have finished your child bearing days, then your next pet will be fine… as long as it’s a dingo.
- Deposit five thousand dollars into the account number listed at the bottom of your notification email, this is needed in order to clear the $100,000,000 prize money that goes with the award.
- Send naked photos of yourself, preferably mounted.
- Award this to five other bloggers and have them send me money and photos too.
There, that seems easy enough doesn’t it?
At this point I guess I should show you what the fuss is all about, so with no further adoodoo… I present the latest in a long line of much sought after Dingo Awards (I think I’ll call this one “the Dingo III”).
As you can see, no effort was spared in coming up with a truly spectacular piece of fine art. If you would like to impress you friends with your very own limited edition print, but haven’t been awarded the honour, you can purchase a limited edition print for five grand.
And don’t try just copying it without paying, because I’ve done magic to it so that’s not possible, I’m warning you – don’t even try, I used some serious mojo.
Now for the winners:
- Daily Diatribes: There are few people on the interwebs that have a more jaded and cynical view of life than her, she is almost as funny, clever, insightful as me, plus her husband is a vet so she can easily afford the five grand.
- Rotten Correspondent: Another humorously snarky blogger with a less than healthy outlook on life, and three kids who are determined to drive her crazy, and who, by comparison makes me look good, but most importantly, I’d really like to see her naked.
- Three Dog Blog: I pondered over this one fore a while, the fact that Laurie is an accomplished writer challenged my insecurities to the point that I almost didn’t include her, but then I remembered that she has yet to master capital letters, so my sense of superiority was restored.
- A Spot of Tea: How could I not include Joy? After all, there aren’t too many people who, when describing me and my blog use terms like, “strange exotic bug” and “poke it with a stick”. Oh, and never mind about the photos.
- Jo Beaufoix: Jo recently listed everyone (individually) in the entire universe as her friend…except me. So I’m giving her an award to prove there are no hard feelings.
- Topsurf: This plurk buddy, is a late addition, while not very snarky (normally) or particularly schizophrenic, she is new to blogging so she may fall for the naked photo scam just to get some sidebar bling.
If you missed out, don’t be too disappointed, that just means means you are either not psychotic or are simply a nice person (or have mastered punctuation).