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It’s time for an Award…

…Because we all know that the blogosphere desperately needs another lame award.

Recently I’ve been flagged, tagged and double bagged. I’ve gotten an award, an honourable mention, and even been invited to do a meme (which I don’t do these days, unless they are either ridiculously easy or easily ridiculous). So all this got me thinking, “Hey why don’t I give out an award?” which isn’t necessarily an original thought, given that I’ve created not one, but two different awards in the past.

As I’ve been thinking of rejoining the blogosphere lately, what better way to end my hernia (huh? that doesn’t sound right…oh shit, I meant hiatus), than to create an award, not just any award, but possibly the best and most coveted award ever seen on the interwebs.

However, as those of you who are bloggers already know, there are usually a few simple rules you need to follow when you are given an award, and this once in a lifetime honour is no different, so I’ll just list them here first in an effort to build excitement:

  1. Take a copy of the award and post it in your sidebar (preferably in front of all the other meaningless crap you already have there).
  2. Write a post about how thrilled you are to be awarded this great honour, and link back to me at least three times within the post.
  3. Repeat step 2 every Friday for the next three months.
  4. Take out an ad in your local newspaper informing everyone of  (a) your great fortune in being awarded this prestigious gong, and (b) my URL.
  5. Name your next born child after me. If you are barren, or have finished your child bearing days, then your next pet will be fine… as long as it’s a dingo.
  6. Deposit five thousand dollars into the account number listed at the bottom of your notification email, this is needed in order to clear the $100,000,000 prize money that goes with the award.
  7. Send naked photos of yourself, preferably mounted.
  8. Award this to five other bloggers and have them send me money and photos too.

There, that seems easy enough doesn’t it?

dingo-awardAt this point I guess I should show you what the fuss is all about, so with no further adoodoo… I present the latest in a long line of much sought after Dingo Awards (I think I’ll call this one “the Dingo III”).

As you can see, no effort was spared in coming up with a truly spectacular piece of fine art. If you would like to impress you friends with your very own limited edition print, but haven’t been awarded the honour, you can purchase a limited edition print for five grand.

And don’t try just copying it without paying, because I’ve done magic to it so that’s not possible, I’m warning you – don’t even try, I used some serious mojo.

Now for the winners:

  • Daily Diatribes:  There are few people on the interwebs that have a more jaded and cynical view of life than her, she is almost as funny, clever, insightful as me, plus her husband is a vet so she can easily afford the five grand.
  • Rotten Correspondent:  Another humorously snarky blogger with a less than healthy outlook on life, and three kids who are determined to drive her crazy, and who, by comparison makes me look good, but most importantly, I’d really like to see her naked.
  • Three Dog Blog:  I pondered over this one fore a while, the fact that Laurie is an accomplished writer challenged my insecurities to the point that I almost didn’t include her, but then I remembered that she has yet to master capital letters, so my sense of superiority was restored.
  • A Spot of Tea:  How could I not include Joy? After all, there aren’t too many people who, when describing me and my blog use terms like, “strange exotic bug” and “poke it with a stick”. Oh, and never mind about the photos.
  • Jo Beaufoix: Jo recently listed everyone (individually) in the entire universe as her friend…except me. So I’m giving her an award to prove there are no hard feelings.
  • Topsurf: This plurk buddy, is a late addition, while not very snarky (normally) or particularly schizophrenic, she is new to blogging so she may fall for the naked photo scam just to get some sidebar bling.

If you missed out, don’t be too disappointed, that just means means you are either not psychotic or are simply a nice person (or have mastered punctuation).

I got some more awards.

Before I start, I’d just like to explain something to those of you who may have come here yesterday or this morning (Oz time) for the first time through NaBloMe (although I doubt that you would be back here to read this now anyway). Normally the people who comment on my blog are very intelligent, very witty contributors. However, occasionally some of them go off their meds, as was the case yesterday when several of them ran amok and made it very hard for anyone not part of their little game to feel welcome. Rest assured, even if you aren’t part of their little clique, you are more than welcome to leave a comment, and even more welcome if it has something to do with the post.

For those who are interested in talking about  Grey’s Anatomy, or if you would simply like to take over someone’s comments section to deter newcomers from commenting, you could try Hoe, Larry or Curly, they’re always good for a laugh on the rare occasions that they actually post.

Now on to more important things: me. I’ve been somewhat remiss in not acknowledging some recent awards that have be given to me, so I will now make amends. These are in random order, and don’t reflect either timing or importance as they are all equally important to me. As usual I have changed some of the colours to fit in with my colour scheme, but I swear that’s all I changed.

This one was given to me twice, firstly by Rotten Correspondent then by ChrisB. Apart from the Butt Ugly Bodaciaous award that Laurie once gave me, this has to be the ugliest award in the history of blogging, but with the colour change it’s not so bad.

IntellectuallyinspiringLaurie gave me this one, I think to make of for the ugly one she gave me before. Rather peaceful don’t you think?

Totally_fabulous_award_from_lisas_cThis one was from Joy T, she first called me fabulous, then a jerk, so I think she may be a Split personali T. But it’s not so bad one once you get rid of all the pink.

This next one came from Debs, and as I think this is the first one she’s given me, she gets a Dingo II. I’m not sure who this Egel fellow is or why he figures they can deem a blog to be good or otherwise, but hey, it’s an award, and we all know that we blog for either comments or awards, and my comments haven’t been worth shit lately.

And last but not least, I got this from a paranoid schizo blogger who got so freaked out about something that I wrote once that she closed her blog and started another one under an alias! Now that’s power!

So there you go, quite a haul don’t you think? Thanks guy I really appreciate it. And Debs, I’ll email you your bling.

BloMe post #3

Let’s start off with awards.

Here it is the first of the month (Oz time) which means it’s time for me to present awards. On that front, I have some bad news, the Dingo will not be awarded this month.

As you are aware the Dingo is awarded for excellence in snark, but what you may not know (unless you’ve won it) is that along with the spectacular bling you get for your blog (which you get to keep), you also get the real thing for a month, which you have to hand back in order for it to be passed on. Well it seems that Mark really enjoyed winning the Dingo, in fact he enjoyed it so much that the actual trphy became so firmly lodged that as yet no-one has been either willing or able to retrieve it. However, being the resourceful type that he is, he was able to make the best of an embarrassing situation and still managed to make the staff Halloween party. Doesn’t he look good?


My second award can be presented though. To win this one you need a broad range of knowledge, lighting quick reflexes and a whole lot of luck. This month’s WT Trivia Challenge was won by Lene. Congratulations Lene.

I’m taking a bit of a risk announcing this now, as the quiz site
appears to have pooped itself and I can’t get in to verify, but Lene
had an unassailable lead so I think it’s a pretty safe bet.

(not as safe as you would think, read on…)

Hold the phones!!!  (Update) I was finally
able to get into the site and you wouldn’t believe it, we may either
have a tie or a different winner! In the last game of the month,
Melissa is leading Lene by 6 points at present, but Lene only had a five
point lead over all, with Melissa coming second. Hold on to your hats.

Update #2. It’s official, Melissa pipped Lene at the post and won by 2 points. Well done Melissa! You smart arse. Sorry Lene, you need to give your award to Melissa (even though she’s already got one).

Finally just a quick thank you to Laurie and Rotten Correspondent who gave me a couple of awards earlier this month, and I think there may have been one other (if there was, I apologise for not remembering, but I’m sure you’ll let me know). I didn’t post the awards here this time as one is so ugly (although the sentiment isn’t) that I’m not going to include it in my sidebar, and the other is so nice that I’m not going to modify it.

Update #3. Damn! I knew there was one I forgot, why did it have to be someone who gets so pissed when I don’t measure up!? The luverly Joy T. gave me the Totally Fabulous award, and then called me a jerk because I forgot.

Update #4. (Five minutes later) Hey wait a minute! What am I apologising for? I just went to Joy’s to refresh my memory of the award, and not only is it awfully gay looking, I was just one of eleven (yes that’s right 11!) people she gave it to! Talk about prestigious! But wait there’s more! Here’s what she said when awarding it to me, "Willowtree from A Dingo’s Got My Barbie – Because he’s grown on me like a fungus." Now I remember why I forgot it.

To all those of you who celebrate Halloween (or whatever PC term you have to use) ‘have a good one’.

BloMe post #1

The Dingo Award Sept 07

Welcome to the September 2007 Dingo Award Ceremony.

**Important notice! If this post shows up in your reader, don’t be fooled, it’s not a new post, I’ve just moved the award down a little bit so that you don’t see it when you get to end of the Fun Monday post. I don’t want all them Fun Monday people seeing it and wanting one of their own, the Dingo™ is far too prestigious to be handed out willy nilly!

There’s been altogether too much sugary sweetness in my last few posts, so much so that I’m feeling positively hyperglycemic (if you don’t know what that is, its the opposite of hypoglycemic, that was helpful wasn’t it), so now it’s time for a shot of insulin before I expire from cuteness overload. And here it is.

For those of you who read the comments I get here at ADGMB, and have been following the voting over the past month, it would come as no surprise to find that the winner of this month’s Dingo award goes to none other than Mark of Dirty Uncle Mark fame. Mark was by far the most decisive win we’ve seen here at ADGMB since polling began. With a massive 67% of the total votes, DUM left the competition in his wake.

I’m not really sure how he managed to end up so far ahead of the field. It may have been his pure obnoxiousness in ignoring the content of every post written in the past month in favour of coming up a comment that sought to deride the author by categorising every post, rather than actually commenting on the post itself, or it may have been his desperate attempts to swing the votes towards Melissa, his nearest rival. But more likely it’s because I voted for him every couple of days, but even without my help he would have been a clear winner as he was 56 votes ahead of his nearest competitor.

If you were surprised at Mark winning this dubious prestigious honour, all I can say is "You wouldn’t be if you extracted your cranium from your rectum long enough to read some of his efforts" and here are just a few…

  • "I think the 500 posts break down as follows:

    2 – (as pointed out by Melissa) of your naked body and creamy white thighs 5 – "photoshopped" photo posts 20 – "serials" 23 – miscellaneous 450 – Pet photos."

  • "You know, Melissa, I’d completely forgotten about the 20 or so food posts that WT has done. Shall we call this 21? Except it’s really a hybrid post, a noxious hybrid of bragging and food."
  • "Melissa, you’re absolutely right, let me recalculate: 2 – of your naked body and creamy white thighs,

    5 – "photoshopped" photo posts, 20 – "serials", 23 – miscellaneous, 100 – complaints about not winning awards/winning awards, 350 – Pet photos."

  • "Melissa, slight modification; A post that tries to hook readers by promising content, while delivering none. With optional media to add to the illusion of content. (Now with more self-promotion.): 2"
  • "Melissa, I didn’t comment last night because really, there’s nothing to comment on. Look at this post. It’s a prequel to a serial. He’s simply telling us he’s going to write posts about meeting, screwing, and marrying his wife. What is that? I don’t even know how to class that one in our WT post counting system. This may be a whole new area."
  • "Melissa, I think this one goes down in the "desperate for content," and "stringing readers on for a serial," categories. There’s no disrespect in being desperate for content, WT, we’ve all been there, right Melissa? You ought to know better than to string your readers on for that serial you promised last week though."
  • "I’m trying to remember what blogger it was that used to whine and complain about not getting any awards. Now I can’t count all of them on both hands. They do say that the squeaky wheel gets the oil."
  • "… perform a pap smear"
  • "You know how I know you’re gay? Three hundred and Fifty-three (353) pet photo posts"
  • "It comes as little surprise that Willowtree LOVES a musician named Dickey Betts, but doesn’t appreciate things like soap, or treasured items like dog teeth. Big Surprise. Do I even need to say it?"
  • "You’ve got to be kidding. You ridicule me on my blog for writing about a "scratch" whereas you are so desperate for content you blog about the exact same thing two days in a row? Really? Melissa, this one goes in the same categories as yesterday as well as pet photo post. I’ll be back next week when you’ve got some new, original content. Did I say next week? Next month. How’s that Serial coming?"
  • "*looking to Melissa* Pet Post? Close enough for me. 361."
  • "Melissa, that’s perfect. We’ll count this as 1 of many to come."

Minx_award_smallSo there you have it, just a small sampling of DUM’s unwavering support for me as a fellow blogger. If you are confused as to why he addressed so many of his comments to someone who’s blog this isn’t, then join the queue. And as with last months award, I didn’t go back looking for the worst
of the worst, these were just the ones at the top of the list after I
sorted it by name.

If you think I harbour a grudge against DUM then you are 100% correct, but not because of his comments, which I actually find very clever and often quite humourous (although always obnoxious). No, I hate him because he stole the love of my life right from under my nose! (although what she was going on my top lip I’ll never know)

Congratulations Mark, I hope you and your Dingo are very happy together.

PS. For those who don’t know him, Mark is a really good guy who is just having some fun, but now it’s my turn.

Oh, I almost forgot! Mark, here’s a nice photo for you to put on your wall somewhere…


Presenting ‘the Dingo II’ Award.

boomerangs_smallbOver the past few months I’ve received more than my fair share of criticism awards, and while I make fun of them, I always love to get them. But as you know, it is my policy not to pass them on to anyone as I believe that most of them are really just a way for the originators to get more traffic (as opposed to those who receive them and then pass them on in good faith).

The ones I’ve received have generally been awarded in good faith by genuinely nice, fellow bloggers (except for a few recently that have been awarded simply to see what I would do to the award).

In an attempt to give back to blogsiety, I even came up with my own award, that most prestigious of awards, “the Dingo“. Sadly, it hasn’t proved as popular as I’d hoped (with the exception of Swampy, who bizarrely seems intent on winning it). I’ve yet to see any of the ones awarded so far showing up in sidebars, that may yet change with the next presentation in a day or so.

It therefore gives me great pleasure (in fact, almost as much pleasure as the original Dingo when the batteries are fresh) to present the new and improved Dingo II, which has been created to honour those who have honoured me (ha! and you all thought I was egotistical, lots of people give awards purely on the basis of having received one themselves, and to ensure a steady inflow of awards).

So the Dingo II (or the boomerang as I like to call it, hey why didn’t I just call it that?) is my way of saying thank you (or if you’re too dense to get it by yourself, “what goes around, comes around”) to those who have complimented my work here at ADGMB. This way I get to give out bling to worthy bloggers without being part of someone else’s agenda. And in truth I can’t think of a single regular reader of mine who wouldn’t qualify for any or all of the awards I’ve been given up until now.
boomerangs_smallThe inaugural recipients are (in no particular order):

Pamela of The Dust Will Wait.
Swampy of Anecdote, Antidotes and Anodes.
ChrisB of Miss Cellania.
Susan of Are We There Yet?
Beckie of Give it a Try.
Kila of Momto3cubs.
Laurie of Three Dog Blog.
Min of Mama Drama. (not actually an award)
Jenni in KS of Prairie Air.
Joy T of A Spot of Tea.
Jen of A Snowball’s Chance.
RC of Confessions of Rotten Correspondent.
Shades who wishes to remain anonymous.

If I’ve left you off the list (and I’m sure I’ve left people off), please forgive me, it wasn’t on purpose, I just never kept a record of who gave me what. Let me know and I’ll add you.

I’ve included two different sizes so you can take whichever one (or both) that suits your requirements.

WT’s Trivia Challenge Award.

For those of you who have been playing the Daily Trivia Challenge, you may have noticed that the cumulative scores have changed. That’s because it’s a monthly tournament and the September one has finished.

So what does this mean exactly?
It means that Melissa has won this spiffy new award!

These are the final standings:

  1. melissa (153 points, 6 wins)
  2. glenyalla (145 points, 8 wins)
  3. Lene (124 points, 2 wins)
  4. KarmynR (118 points, 3 wins)
  5. beccy (101 points, 1 wins)
  6. BlueMomma (93 points, 0 wins)
  7. chrisb (85 points, 0 wins)
  8. mjd (75 points, 0 wins)
  9. Sixy (56 points, 0 wins)
  10. notadingo (49 points, 1 wins)

The Dingo Award Aug 07.

Welcome to this month’s scheduled Dingo Award ceremony.

The battle for this prestigious prize raged throughout the month, with at least five votes being registered by mid August! Then towards the end of the month, when I told people that voting had been open for almost three weeks, and left a trail of breadcrumbs to the polling booth, things really hotted up and eventually produced a clear winner.

It is with some glee that I announce that this month’s winner is non other than that siren of snark, that termagant of terse, that virago of vitriol, the matron of mean herself, Robin from Pensieve!  Come on let’s give it up for Robin!


With a massive 33% of the total vote, Robin is clearly a worthy winner. Yet despite this convincing win, Robin was initially surprised that she was even in the running: “HOLD THE PRESSES YOU MUTHA! I’m in the VOTING for one of these things???????” After being informed that she was indeed in the running, in her usual tactful manner, she accused me of cheating : “BTW, are you stuffin’ the ballot box?” However, when I replied that she was winning completely on her own merits, she replied, “I’ll get you my pretty! Bwwwaaaahaha!

I really can’t understand why Robin would be so surprised that she was in the running for this award, after all she has always been so supportive of me in the past:

  • You never cease to amaze me…37 comments (including mine) for THIS piece of crap nothing???!!
  • Hey……..I cannot.  Believe.  This topic.  Originated with you.  it’s just so…so…ummmm, such a woman thing?   It’s cause you’re a rockin’ girl blogger, isn’t it?
  • This is your most boring comment section EVAH!   Then, again, it wasn’t exactly your most interesting OR entertaining post, either.
  • Would you like some cheese with your w(h)ine?
  • On the first part of your post, “la la la, white noise, white noise”
  • Do I win a prize for the BEST comment EVAH for the Lamest Post evah???
  • Clearly you will stop at NOTHING just to get a few people to comment to your blog. Sheesh…the nerve!

It’s not just me who has been fortunate enough to receive Robin’s encouragement:

  • Swampy, those aren’t words, those are L.E.T.T.E.R.S..
  • OH MY WORD!  Melissa has MAN HANDS!
  • Thank you, Min, for winning this prize so the rest of us wouldn’t have to. (not so fast Robin)

Of course, then there’s her helpful suggestions to improve my blog:

  • Can we watch you boil a pot of water next?

Always delivered in such a caring manner:

  • Getchur butt up earlier and get a decent picture of a foggy morning!

I admit there have been times that I have tested her patience a little:

  • Hmmph…hands on hips, bottom lip poked out.  The Southern Belle wants to bit$*smack the Aussie.

Then there was the time when simply being snarky just wasn’t enough, and she decided to sabotage my blog:

  • Hey…remember when you accidentally forgot to close the italics on a comment you wrote at my blog a while back and the rest of the comments were italicized?   I think I’ll do that <i>now 😉 (and she did)

But at the end of the day Robin is a nice person who is happy with her life:

  • Maybe my boring-in-comparison-to-Willowtree’s life ain’t so bad after all….

That is until she realises the reality of her situation:

  • Dang it…I forgot I wasn’t in Disney World anymore….

Now you might think that a significant amount of effort was required to glean these cut and paste examples of Robin’s comments from the hundreds she has left over the past year, but in fact I only had to go back over a few weeks (and she was away for two of them). Also, each dot was from a different comment.

Once again Robin, congratulations on your award, you definitely deserve it!

Update** I assumed that everyone would know the history, but then I realised that may not be the case, so just to set the record straight, Robin is one of my oldest and best blog friends. She has been a constant and humorous supporter of my blog since virtually the beginning, and I wouldn’t want her to change a thing.