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A brief history of Marnie Pt2

Here’s the long awaited second instalment of Marnie’s biography, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, and thanks again Caroline for filling in the blanks, without you none of this would have been possible (you don’t need grand children, they will just end up costing you money for birthday presents).

Marnie took to her new life in Califadia like a duck to water, or rather, like a chook to poo (that may be why her imagination is so fertile). She quickly made friends, although at times her choice of buddies was somewhat questionable and she would occasionally fall in with the wrong crowd, but as she once told me "Muddy water finds it’s own level" and while I’m not quite sure what she meant by that, she certainly did fit in well with this crowd, despite their reputation as being somewhat bookish…

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Being the gregarious type that she is, this group of nerds wasn’t going to hold Marnie’s attention for long, and before you knew it, she was elected president of the Chook Staplers Computer Club (by the other two members). And while Marnie has always maintained that she was only ever interested in stapling chooks, I have it on good authority that she was totally in it for the spectacular crown she got to wear at the monthly meetings…

Geeks

Then in the blink of an eye, her high school days were over, this turned out to be quite traumatic for miss popular, and while she hated to leave all the geeky good friends she made there, she reluctantly accepted that she must move on. And so with high spirits (possibly vodka), she went to the graduation ceremony with her father, who was the proudest super-villain there…

Marniedad

With such a photogenic face, it was only a matter of time before she was spotted by the talent agencies. Scores of TV and newspaper advertising people clamoured for her services, but being a young woman of principles, she waited for the right opportunity to come her way. And so it was that for her entire time in College, Marnie was the spokesperson for Tampax manpons, that ‘oh so smooth’ butt plug…

Marniemanpon

Sadly we’ll have to leave it here as I think I can hear my mother calling me for dinner.

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Marnie’s skool daze.

Caroline (Marnie’s lovely mother, and a person who doesn’t deserve to have such a spiteful daughter), sent me some of Marnie’s school memorabilia the other day. I thought I might share them with you.

First off let’s look at her academic prowess…Image001
Very Nice Marnie, you sure nailed that one.

Image003

Yes, she really did excel a Math.

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It’s a wonder she didn’t take up Veterinary studies.

This was told to me by Caroline…
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little
tried to warn the farmer. She read, "…. and so Chicken Little went up
to the farmer and said, ‘The sky is falling, the sky is falling!’ ".
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?".
Marnie raised her hand and said, "I think he said: "Holy Shit!  A talking chicken!".

With all that potential, you’d think that she would have ended up in a well paying respected position, instead she chose this…
Dreamjobmarnie

Stephanie’s shady past

A lot of you know Stephanie from the Mamas with Dramas, and those of you who know her should know that she came relatively late to motherhood. What you may not know, is why she came so late. The reason is both simple and spiritual, motherhood was her second calling, this was her first…

Nuns_0002_2

Nuns_0002a

I could make a habit out of this. Thank you Sister Agnes for supplying the outfit. You know, I thought I did a post about her once, but when I looked I couldn’t find nun. Too bad, she was a really great person who always made people laugh, and a link would have been good.

Update** After a couple of you confirmed that I actually did post about Sister Agnes, I went back and looked harder. But if you don’t want to go there, I’ve included the original Sister Agnes next to Sister Stephanie, they could be twins! (Sister Agnes is on the right)

Just in case Steph gets mad at me, I guess I should include a cute pet video too…


Hope that distracts her.

It’s too late to say sorry.

Marnie hurt me deeply by posting private pictures of me and Bubba on her blog. The way she made it look, she turned an innocent tick inspection into something that almost looks pornographic.

I must say I’m shocked and offended by her actions, in fact so much so that I’m tearing up the photos she sent me recently of some of her dates. But before I do, I’ll just post them here for old times sake…

This is Butch. (before Kobe).
Yourchicksadog

Marnie! Put that tongue away.

Here she is with Melissa.
Blogwar
Melissa seems interested don’t you think?

And this is her big date with K-fed.
Pants
I knew he’d get into her pants one day.

And finally, at the beach.
Marnie_left

I’m not certain, but think Marnie is on the left.

I surrender.

I admit it, I’m out classed and out matched. I could probably could have sustained my campaign for a few more days if I was only fighting Marnie. But I’ve recently discovered that Miss Snark herself has been pulling the levers behind the scenes. So there’s just no way I can compete with that kind of onslaught…I give in…uncle…no mas.

You may think I’m making this up, but I’m not! A friend of mine who lives in Canafornia just sent me a poster they found at a comedy club recently, which proves without doubt that my suspicions are totally well-founded…

Ventriloquism

Now I know I could have got all crazy after Marnie’s outrageous photoshopping of me and my boyfriends, but you guys know that’s just not my style. Besides, why would I go to all the trouble of editing a photo to make her look silly when I could just use this one. And yes, those are rubber gloves she’s wearing.

Hey Melissa, I think you need to get out in the sun and get some colour!

A change of temperatures.

As you can tell by the picture, it’s getting cold around here…

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Which is in stark contrast to the extreme heat I reckon Jerry Falwell should be feeling right about now (if you believe in that sort of thing).

Oh, before I forget, I got the pictures back from Marnie’s 30th Birthday Party…

Drunk27_2

Here’s the Birthday Girl herself the morning after the party. Yes that Marnie, you can tell by the empty Molson’s bottle.