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A clue.

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Public Service Announcement(s)

As you know I don’t blog on Sundays (my Sunday, I don’t care what day you’ve got), some folks think it’s because I’m lazy, while others believe I’m part of some weird religious cult (like catholicism), but neither of those are correct. The reason I don’t post on Sundays is that as my posts are so rich in content, so utterly thought provoking, so side splittingly funny, that I’m afraid I could cause permanent brain damage to my loyal readers if I subjected them to it everyday. I have therefore taken it upon myself to ensure that you all have at least one day’s rest in order for your brains to recuperrate.

However…Seeing as how Lost is coming back (okay, I know it’s already back on in the States, but it’s not on here yet), I thought I might make you aware of this little gem. This is essential viewing if you have never seen a single episode but would like to start watching in the third season, or if you are like me, and have watched from the beginning but still have no fucking clue what’s going on…

Now, as for the little pseudo competition; I did say, and I quote "If anyone can tell me exactly why they are called Percy and Marge
there may be a prize in (sic) for you. But I stress, you have to tell me
exactly
…you really have to earn it!
"

No-one got the answer I was after, so here is the why:

I live in near a very small town (I don’t actually live in it), where everyone knows everyone (except me, they don’t want to know me, and I don’t want to know them), and Bobby’s owners are both 4th generation locals so they are obviously quite well known (that, and they are the local quirky identities). I knew I would be writing some less than charitable things about them so I decided to use false names, akas, handles, nicknames, fake IDs, noms de plume, aliases (I have left anything out?).

Molly correctly figured out the ‘where‘ their names came from, it was a reference to Ma and Pa Kettle (played by Percy Kilbride and Marjorie Main) which, if you had been paying attention, is what I initially called them in the same post that I actually used their real names (part iii in case you are wondering). So that’s why I made it a bit more difficult, after all there was an all expense paid, trip to Australia up for grabs!

But just to prove I’m a good sport Molly, if you give me your details, I’ll send you some really tacky, chinese made Australian souvenir.

The results have been tabulated.

Thank you all for participating in my well conceived, brilliantly executed, in depth scientific experiment on blogging trends. Ha ha ha ha! Man I’m such a pudding head, that’s too much hyperbole even for me! Ok, let me rephrase that first sentence…After yesterday’s monumental dummy-spit because I didn’t feel my post got the recognition it deserved, I noticed something interesting. Hmmm, yes, that’s seems to be a more apt description of what happened.

So here are the results of the whine experiment :

1. Well researched post of an interesting musical oddity – 20 comments*.
2. Two sentence whine saying there will be no post – 37 comments.

Conclusion: If I really am serious about attracting comments, I should stop posting.

As a thank you for participating in the experiment, I’m having a little competition (Australians are ineligible). Here’s the question. "Cartographically speaking, where in Australian do most women sit".

The prize is your choice of either of these gems…

Comp_006_4Comp_007

Pretty sweet little prizes heh? (and yes, the t-shirt is brand new, it’s an XL so if you have boobs it should still fit).  The competition will close when I get the correct answer.

* The last 6 comments were after my whine so it’s not clear if they were just sympathy comments.

MaBloPa post #15

Hmmm, that worked well.

Note to self….don’t ever do this again!

Hmmm, there’s more to this photo competition thing than meets the eye. At first I was pretty underwhelmed by the entries, but as the day progressed the standard got much better (except for Mary who just made fun of my ears!).

I think I know what the problem was, Ree used a picture that was two stinky old bulls, so people could focus on coming up with something clever. Whereas I unfortunately used a very cute picture of an extremely cute me. This had the unforeseen effect of turning all those maternal minds out there to mush! I should have realised that once you guys saw me in my all conquering cuteness, you would be powerless to come up with something exceedingly clever. Oh well, live and learn.

But even despite turning everyone’s brains to mush (except Paul, his was already that way), and even though I didn’t quite make it to the 2500 mark, it was still very difficult to come up with a short-list. I was going to have a medium-list instead, but I know my readers well enough to realise that there’d never be a result if I did that. So I’ve narrowed it down to six for the purposes of voting, but really there’s a lot more that could have been on the list.

 

Pre70_tempb030a_2

And for all of those who were laughing at my holsters, they were pockets you morons!!

Hmm, that didn’t really help my case much did it? Oh well, never mind, at least I know I’m one tough dude.

I’ll leave this post up for a day so that you can vote.

Here’s some others that I thought were good…

Is that willow tree in a tree?

Rock-a-bye Cowboy in the Tree-top

Young Willow finds the perfect angle for cleavage spotting

Slippery when wet.

Don’t worry about him dear. His ears make perfect wings.

Shit! There’s a whole world outside that there fence? I’m scared!

I hope I don’t fall… I’m wearing girl panties!

Oh and by the way, It’s is actually Willowtree in a willow tree.

Very interesting…..

I may have been a bit premature in declaring Judy the winner, but the
decision stands(if only to demonstrate the correct usage of irony). Except now she’s now been awarded second prize, but don’t worry, all the prizes are the same anyway . Who’d have thought that my little mini contest would have generated such a mathesophical discussion (or should that be philomatical? I always get those two mixed up) but then it’s as it should be as Pythagoras was a philosopher as well as a mathematician.

"Ironic you say?" Yes, ironic I say. I made up this little contest to show my gratitude and to reward one of you for voting for me. The irony is that the person who won the prize was the one person among you who definitely did not vote for me! Judy, you see, was nominated in the same category (mind you she may have voted for me, I voted for her).

And that brings us to the results:

1st Prize goes to Kila for her well thought out corollary.

2nd Prize goes to Judy for being the closest first.

3rd Prize goes to Melissa for single-handedly raising my comment count.

Honourable mention goes to Colette for being such an enigma.

If you want your prize, I need your address, email me.

And here is the explanation…There were two quotes from the Wizard of Oz, the first from the Lion and the second from the Scarecrow both from when they were given their prizes by the Wizard. On the surface, it looked like a simple quote from the movie illustrating that as a result of being awarded a prize saying I’m brainy, I actually got smarter. And that would have done if no-one actually got the real answer.

However, Kila uncovered the deeper meaning. In a perfect demonstration of just how ridiculous that concept is, she pointed out that the quote from the Scarecrow was wrong. The wording was correct, but what he said was completely wrong (which, incidentally Jenn, is why it wasn’t said by Pythagoras, you may want to hold off on lowering your goals for a bit).

To explain I’ll have to get a bit technical. In it simplest form, Pythagoras’ theorem is a^2 + b^2 = c^2\, and is solved by \sqrt{a^2 + b^2} = c. \,

In English that’s "The square on the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides."

Compare that to the Scarecrow quote which is "The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining
side
."

Given that we are talking about a hypotenuse, by definition we are only talking about right angled triangles, and not all isosceles triangles are right angled, in fact only those with one 90 and two 45 deg angles are. Plus, he not only mangled the theorem, it’s just plain wrong, as we need the length squared, and not the square root of the length.

Anyone still awake?  Good, then have a look at this…

You have got to be kidding me!

In yesterday’s episode of ‘As the Dingo Chews’ I took you through exciting world of blog contests (and just what can happen if you win one). I also got pretty clever and made a contest of my own that was impossible to win (more on that later). There were some pretty good answers so rather than you having to go back and read them for yourselves, I’ll summarise them here for you.

Robin:
It’s a tooth from the dog in Tiff’s original picture.  And a coin with the number 5 on it.
Oh so close, but no cigar. Plus you were disqualified for not all reading the post carefully.
But then you thought about it some more.
Or maybe a jackalope or unicorn tooth….
Yep, that will win you a prize for sure, if that won’t do it, maybe some bribery..
Which reminds me…I have some other stuff I’m supposed to be sending to bluddies…

Laurie:
how do i get into this secret club of presents mailed from afar???
ok so my answers are imprecise and probably wrong. send me some stuff anyway!

Screw the contest, just send me something, anything!

Katie:

I vote for bear claw…. 🙂

Cool prize…. and interesting coin….
Ah yeah, about that…I put the coin there to show scale, too bad no-one knew how big the coin was.

Swampy:
I like the coin. Is that a kiwi? I know, the Kiwi is a small flightless
bird from NZ. Regardless, it’s cute. Wow ! ELEVEN dollars. Next time,
have her just send $$$.

Another ‘fuck the contest’ entry, let’s discuss the Kiwi and the cost of postage. (there are no kiwis in OZ, except for Bondi)

Tiggerlane:
I just laughed my butt off until tears streamed down my face.
 
Man that sounds painful, I would have like to have seen a picture of that! Not everyday you see a buttless woman with streaky cheeks.

Reevesfarm:
I will be happy to send you some for future anger management.
She is offering to send me her kids toys to break, now that’s some kinda mom.

Jenni in KS:

Is that an echidna on the coin?  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Echidna
Bingo! Yes it is Jenni. But what you really deserve a prize for is posting a comment that was actually shorter than the post itself!

Pamela:
I don’t have my glasses on  – and I’M LATE for work as usual.

Seems to me I’ve heard this excuse before.

Pamela:
I don’t have my glasses on  – and I’M LATE for work as usual.

Now I know I’ve definitely heard this one before!

Pamela:


awww..i found my glasses. that is  shrew money if I ever saw it. and its a sabre tiger tooth.
You were doing better without your glasses.

Mary:
Dog tooth. Wierd.

Yes, and yes. But sadly I can’t give you the prize, because while you got the dog tooth right, you spelled weird wrong (and I said it had to be exact)

Mark:

Clearly an elephant tusk – pure ivory, shrunk by Rick Moranis to look
just like a canine canine – not a typo, but both meanings: dog and
tooth between incisor and premolars of a mammal.

Surprisingly close, well except for the ivory and being shrunk by Rick Moranis. And yes, I did know that it wasn’t a typo.

Mrs Tiggerlane:
Very strange that so few noticed #1 – the coin is NOT part of the gift!
It’s WILLOW’S COIN! I’m not THAT generous!! (Well, actually, if you
guys were guessing correctly, you would understand how generous I
really am…)

Thank you Tiff for pointing that out, seemed pretty straightforward to me, but it obviously wasn’t.

Wolfbaby:


dinasore tooth.. ohhhh

or dinasore claw
that she dug up in a whatcha call it… ya know those dig thingys;)

Good ol’ Wolfie (I just love it when you talk technical), you always give it your best shot, it’s a shame you’re usually firing blanks.

MJD:
This is a very interesting prize and phenomenal presentation and
dialogue about the prize. I will pass on guessing about the prize; I do
not need some old broken cat’s canine tooth. Thanks any ways.

No tooth for you!! (said the tooth nazi)

Claudia x 3:
But where did the tooth come from?  Please don’t tell me it’s from the dog!

Ok, I won’t tell you that. And thanks for bumping my comment count.

Robin:
I forgot to mention earlier that Tiggerlane has beautiful handwriting and a smokin’ signature…she’s destined for stardom.

Back off sister! That tooth is mine!

Christene:
A dingo canine? A shiba inu canine? (Speaking of which, is that really
a dingo in your … er… blog button?… er… picture?… And by the
way, does my Shiba Inu look like a dingo or does your Barbie eating
dingo look like my Shiba?

Hello Christene and welcome. The colouring is similar, and some of the conformation, but dingoes don’t have the thick fur of the Shiba Inu or a curly tail, plus they don’t come from Japan and they were around  before both the Akita and the Shibu Ina (so I guess yours looks like mine). And yes, that really is a dingo in my picture, and yes, it does have my Barbie.

Gawilli:
Is this a puppy tooth from Poo Woo?

What the fuck!? There’s something fishy going on here! There’s no way that exact combination of words could be in the same sentence without some kind of cheating!!! I figured that someone would guess that it was a dog tooth, but I wasn’t worried because no-one would say that it was a puppy tooth, nor would they actually say Poo Woo’s name (all of which I required for a correct answer!)

So Congratulations Gawilli, and if you want some crap sent to you, send me your address.

 
 

Errr, I won a prize, ummm, Wow!

Recently I won a contest held by Tiggerlane, the Neophyte Blogger. Upon identifying the mystery object (notice I didn’t say ‘guessing’, I knew exactly what it was), I received an email requesting my mailing address and informing me that my prize was one of great value.

Now being the mercenary prick that I am, I naturally assumed that meant it was worth a lot of moulah. It never entered my mind that Mrs Tiggerlane meant intrinsic value. So after a couple of weeks passed, my priceless prize arrived…

Tiffs_prize_007
O.k.a.y…so it’s not as big as something very valuable should be. Wait! I’ve got it! It’s her grandmother’s antique gold and diamond wedding ring! Must be, unless it’s shares in the Real Estate Agency. I know, I’ll check the customs declaration, that will tell me…

Tiffs_prize_010
Ezqueeze me?? A photo of a dog and a button?! Ok, the photo can’t be worth much, but it must be one of those rare "I voted for Dewey" buttons, they must be worth something…

Tiffs_prize_014
Hmmm, this damn thing’s getting smaller by the minute, must be the even more classy and rare lapel button rather than the gaudy and more popular chest job…

Tiffs_prize_016_2
WTF!?! Where’s the fucking button?!
Oh wait, there’s something else…

Tiffs_prize_017
It’s a goddamn box of paper clips! Hang on, there’s a Post-It note stuck on the box, what does it say?…

Tiffs_prize_018
So by now I’ve gone way past excited all the way to "boy do I wish I had kids so I could break some of their toys" pissed. Now I’ve got to go back and read the card…wait there’s a card?

Well I did what I was instructed and here’s what I got

. If anyone can correctly identify it, and by that I mean exactly (just like the original contest said) I’ll give you a prize that’s just as valuable, but you must be exact.

Oh yeah, there are four things I should point out: 1) the coin is mine, 2) there never was a photo of a dog, 3) eleven fucking dollars for postage! and 4) I think the prize is pretty neat.