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When Hari met Kiri Pt 3

Call me Ishmael. Just don’t expect me to respond because that’s not my name. After successfully getting the seat covers on, MDW invited me up to her apartment for a visit where she poured some champagne and added a strawberry. This really impressed the shit out of me as I’d never it seen done before (it also made me think that Mrs ET may have had genuine cause for concern, as MDW didn’t know I would be pinch hitting for ET, so why did she have this ready to go?).

Whatever her expectations were, we spent a pleasant afternoon watching TV and getting drunk, well at least one of us spent the arvo getting drunk, she spent it hanging on my every word with rapt attention. Or so I thought at the time, it was only some years later that I overheard her describing the afternoon to a friend at a BBQ, and came to understand that the intense gaze was simply her trying to understand my accent.

So it was, with an ill founded sense of conquest, that I left her company to wobble the five miles home on my bike. The next day I ruminated on the situation in the clear light of day and with a clear but pounding head, and came to the conclusion that I would continue my quest for a Marilyn Monroe look-alike and leave the short stout Asian women for those who had set that as their goal.

As fate would have it, about a week later a friend of mine was interested in a particular girl and he called me to go out on a double date with them to see Loudain Wainwright III and Leon Redbone. He was pretty shy and he needed me along because I knew her (she was the friend of a girl I used to date). It was pretty short notice and I had no-one to go with, having broken up with her alcoholic loser friend a few weeks earlier. But I did want to see those guys, so I called MDW and asked if she would be interested in going. She said sure, why not?

We arranged to meet my friend and his date at the venue in San Francisco. Loudain Wainwright was one of the best acts I’ve ever seen, and MDW and I ended up having a pretty good time, except for the bit where we were waiting to meet my friend on Market Street in the Castro and I couldn’t understand why all the guys were looking at me instead of MDW.

This time when I thought about the date the next day (technically this one was a date), I realised that she seemed pretty nice and had a lot to offer. Too bad I had to leave for Tahoe to work on the construction of a house two days later.

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33 Responses

  1. Geez, WT, you really have a way with words! ” … impressed the shit out of me” (v. romantic analogy) and “short stout Asian women” … Not exactly Romeo, are you???
    But you’re hilarious, I’ll give you that. Have you ever thought about appearing on ROVE? And, if so, who would you turn gay for??

  2. There is something to be said for short, stout women with Asian eyes. But I wouldn’t know what it is.

    The champagne does seem a little suspect. However, it seems to have worked out…eventually.

  3. the romance of this is making me swoon.

    i doubt your definition of “stout.”

  4. Hi Ishmael!

  5. But did you run over any dogs? Molboro Man ran over lots of dogs you know!

  6. Sorry that was a bit tasteless wasnt it? Its where I live its rubbing off on me!

  7. Sorry again Marlboro Man! See I cant spell anything right can I. Just like Somersby Falls. Howzat!

  8. The romance is astounding!

  9. For some reason I keep seeing you riding drunk on a bicycle wearing a pirate hat and big girls panties with white knee socks…is this a dream? Nightmare? Wake up. Wake up.
    Champagne with a strawberry. I knew I liked her.
    Speaking of champagne, I think Karisma has had a few too many today.

  10. Wow. Dripping with romance, Ishmael. I especially like the grudging concession at the end that you actually did have a good time.

    PS: Swampy! I JUST got that image out of my head after a long and tortuous Pirate Day! Come on!

  11. Swampy be quite! Someone might hear you!

  12. Ahhh…the entertaining juxtaposition of reading two love stories back-to-back….

    and I love already knowing how things end–it’s like reading the last page first of a novel :).

  13. Why didn’t you warn us to grab the Kleenex before we started reading?

    I thought this was going to be Hemingway, not Melville. Hemingway and Melville? You’re trying to kill us aren’t you? Nothing makes me cry like Melville and his loooooong descriptions. Hey, throw in some Hawthorne while your at it.

    I also can’t believe you used a line from Moby Dick without referring to your “hard member” as the title character.

    And thank you VERY much Swampy! That image is all I needed today. I think I’ll skip the coffee and go straight to hard liquor.

  14. Really, Swampy, you’re scaring me. I have a L-O-N-G day of not much of anything at work and now I’ll be looking out everywhere I go for a “riding drunk on a bicycle wearing a pirate hat and big girls panties with white knee socks”.

    WT, um I expected slightly maybe a little tiny bit of romance. Or is that man-mance? Is that the best it gets?

  15. I’m still wondering why the guys were all staring at you. Your wife is lovely, so the only thing I can think is that . . . they were all gay?

  16. Please sir, may I have some more? Funny WT. I’ve got a cousin with a thing for short stout asian women. I think it’s kinda like my prince addiction.

  17. I am sitting on the edge of my seat here!!!
    I’ll try not to fall off!!

  18. Just when you think there is no romance left in the world, you find proof that you were wrong. Ah, Castro Street. I grew up on the north side of the bay and wasn’t even allowed across the bridge till I was 18.

  19. The romance is astounding. You must be related to my husband.

  20. Laughing at Bethany…I think you’re related to my hubby as well!

  21. Good one Bethany –

    So – is Mrs. ET your friend for life now that you saved ET from someone else’s grips?

  22. Loudan Wainwright III? Now that is romantic. Although strawberry’s in champagne is pretty erotic exotic, for an afternoon’s teev watching.

    I only know the one Loudon Wainwright III song and it has been formative for me.

    Here, I found you the chords and a few lyrics from the chorus. Its worked for me.

    I’d Rather be Lonely.chorus.

    Loneliness is happiness,
    D D7
    It takes less than two.
    G Gm
    I confess, I digress
    D A
    from it when I’m with you.

    Let us make a brand new start,
    separate and stay apart.
    I’ve had enough, having and holding.
    I’d rather be lonely.

  23. I’m trying to visualise you being oggled and swampy has me laughing!!

  24. Melissa – MDW’s best friend is a friend of Rove’s mother and he has stayed with them a couple of times, so maybe I could.

    Jen – What are you saying?

    Laurie – Stout is an appropriate descriptor.

    Nikki – *not responding*

    Karisma – I ran over our cat once.

    Mary – Isn’t it just?

    Swampy – This was before pirate hats, and anyway, the Hansman is the only person I know who actually owns one!

    Melissa – *not responding either*

    Robin – Ree’s is a love story, mine is a true romance story. Or to put it another way, hers is a daytime movie, mine is reality TV.

    Jenni – I didn’t just use ‘a line‘ from Moby Dick, I used opening words, as I did yesterday with Paul Clifford.

    Gibnjen – You women all want romance.

    Kaycie – You’re kidding right? If you aren’t then here’s your chance to broaden your knowledge

    Robinella – There’s more on the way.

    Kaytabug – You may need either a seatbelt, or less booze.

    Sandy – Are you talking Marin county?

    Bethany and Beccy – All men are related, just as all women seem to be.

    Karmyn – ‘Friend for life’, now that’s an interesting concept. She’s the wife of my best friend. let’s leave it at that for now.

    Caroline – The two songs I remember the most from the night were Necrophiliac Blues and Masochistic Tango.

  25. Admit it. You TOTALLY dug having those guys looking at you. Like *that*.

  26. Oh. And I think I love Melissa. In a non-stalker, non-gay way. Lest you get any pervy notions.

  27. Does your calling her stout have anything to do with the fact that you live in separate houses?

    It’s like I tell my husband when he uses those descriptors I’m not crazy about…”you’ve gotta sleep sometime.”

  28. So you caught her with your exotic accent. Funnily enough I think that’s how I caught my husband, although now he thinks Aussies just leave the ends off every word, or alternatively add an “o” to the end of a word, and leave several consonants out as well.

  29. Gosh, between your post and Ree’s, I won’t be able to sleep tonight.

    Sounds like it was meant to be. What a great first date.

    Is Kiri her real name? It’s similar to the girl’s name I had picked out for a daughter, but never got to use: Kyra.

  30. OMG Kila me too!! I was going to name my first baby Kira…but when it came out it had 2 balls and a bat! I had to figure out a boy name and fast!

    Wt I’m on the edge of my seat with anticipation!!! Which I was actually trying to say facetiously…but at this rate I may need to have a few. 😉

  31. such romance! I’m riveted!

    perhaps – such practicality – fits better. hummm

  32. Peter!!! lmao….

  33. ahh haa there is an upside to being late to reading post.. cause then i got to read two in one;) sweet

    lol funny how the inoccuous meetings are the one that have the most impact ehh?

    yeah i know i spelt it wrong ahh well

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